Getting to Know the “Golden Approach”?
Episode 001: Aubrey Shaffner
Pastry Professional, Educator, and Host
Context matters.
Get to know me, your host, why I felt compelled to create this show, and why I call it the “golden approach”.
EPISODE OUTLINE
[00:04:11] What does the golden approach mean to me? What do I hope people will take away from the show?
[00:07:05] Why a podcast?
[00:10:05] My personal background
[00:26:00] How I’ve started to heal and ground myself since
Transcript
Music fades in…
[00:00:00] Aubrey: I don't believe that people typically quit jobs just because they're quote, bad. I've personally experienced that people tend to quit jobs because of things like bad workplace conditions and bad benefits, but most often bad managers. So this is my attempt, to call out the BS and be a part of the solution instead of the problem, to share tangible ways others have already been able to enact change. In hopes it's going to help motivate and guide others to do the same. The point of the golden approach is that the care for the guests should be equal to the care for the team and oneself. We've all heard that change starts from within, right? And in my humble opinion, that's where we're going to have to grow from. No one can force this industry to change. It's not going to happen with legislation or obligation for better social norms alone. And despite what I've been told in the past, I am not naive enough to think it's going to be quick and easy. I don't even know if a podcast is the right approach to
[00:01:00] Aubrey: make any difference at all, but despite the mood of the world, I do wholeheartedly believe that more often than not, people just want to do good and live fulfilling lives. We're a conglomeration of unique humans in this industry who go beyond differences. People who are willing to work hard and make sacrifices and they are willing to do it for the benefit of others, not knowing if it's going to pay off for themselves. So if you too want to make a difference in the service industry and make it even just a little bit better than you experienced it, I hope that you'll listen to this show and continue to get to know the golden approach.
Music fades out…
[00:01:55] Aubrey: Like many COVID was an opportunity
[00:02:00] Aubrey: for pause and self reflection and ever since I was forced into quarantine like the rest of you, I've not been able to stop thinking about what I really want, not only my life to look like and what my priorities are, but I think it was one of those opportunities where we were really forced to face all the ways that we've built our society, good or bad, what was working well and what wasn't working at all and everything in between and having been in this industry for half
[00:03:00] Aubrey: my life now, it really was a mix of emotions to see what went well, to see all the people who came together to really support each other. It wasn't just, a bunch of different motives as to, what's my pull in the tip pool or, just because I want to be a good server or a good teammate, or because they're my friend, or whatever the motivation was before right? Because we were all coming from different places, just luckily with the same goal. But now it was the same motivation for the same goal, right? Watching people volunteer to serve food to each other, to donate food. There was definitely one time I ended up waiting in line for free food because I had lost my job and I
[00:04:00] Aubrey: didn't know if we were going to be okay. And I didn't know how long this would last, just like the rest of you, and it was a scary moment for sure. It's always scary in the moment because you don't know how long it's going to last or what's going to come of it.
What does the golden approach mean to me? What do I hope people will take away from the show?
[00:04:11] Aubrey: Is it going to get worse? But it was also such a beautiful moment to see our community really looking out for our community. Because when you work in this industry, we all know that a big part of the focus is how we all work together to take care of the guest, the guest experience. Especially working for large hotel companies like I have, as amazing as their guest services are, and their attention to detail are, that does not always go back the other way. And some have done better than others. I don't want to say it's all bad because there's never anything that's all bad
[00:05:00] Aubrey: or all good. I just mean, as an overarching theme, I have seen a real range of places that will really invest in their teams and are really aware of their needs. And then others who try, but don't actually do things with intention. They're not really doing it for, getting to know their actual employees and their needs, just things that they think that they will appreciate or and then I've had places that just don't even try at all. But I just really remember feeling okay, it's in there. I'm seeing it happen right now. How do we keep on that path? How do we motivate everyone to really maintain this work together,
[00:06:00] Aubrey: true, one team, one dream attitude, right? Because we all say it to each other, but a lot of times it's sarcastic, a lot of times it's a joke. It's not something that I think people actually like really live by fully in the way that it should mean. I don't know that a podcast really is the right approach for this. It feels a little presumptuous, to be making a podcast to be completely honest. It's like I got on a soapbox and I'm yelling to the world and no one really asked me to. But, I just have this internal need to scream to the rooftops that like, we did it, right? I saw it. We all experienced it. And... I want to do whatever I can to keep that feeling of community alive in our industry, because
[00:07:00] Aubrey: we're at a point in our society where our communities need a lot of healing.
Why a podcast?
[00:07:05] Aubrey: We need a lot of building back of community support and that your neighbor knows you and looks out for you and you look out for them. We're all very disconnected and self sufficient these days. If human history has taught us anything that when we stick together is when we are the most successful. So I hope that this show allows some kind of opportunity for people to come together and feel a part of that community to know they're not alone in wanting to make things better and make things more supportive and kind and intentional.
[00:08:00] Aubrey: I've really personally had a very rocky relationship with this industry. In some ways, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And in a lot of ways, it's the worst. It's not an industry that I intended to go into. I had thought I was going to do lots of other things with my life. from a very young age, I thought I would be a ballerina and I committed 17 years of my life to that. I thought I'd be a vet, and I committed almost the exact same amount of time to that. And when neither worked out, I didn't really know where to go or what to do. And it was casually suggested to me to check out the Culinary Institute of America.
[00:09:00] Aubrey: And I'd never heard of it before, didn't really think anything of it, and then I saw the price tag and I was like, holy shit, but there was just something about when I toured it that was so magnetic. It just, I had to be there. And yeah, it's absolutely stunning and beautiful and that was part of it. It's right on the Hudson River and the rolling hills and this incredible large building that just feels so grand and you just feel special being there in a way, or at least I did. And you're surrounded by people who are so passionate and from so many different places. In my class of 18 pastry students alone, if I remember correctly, there were like 12 countries represented. And I just thought that was the best thing that ever happened to me to be around people from so many places. You could hear so many stories and try so much new food and, get to be around these
[00:10:00] Aubrey: incredible talents who are the best of the best teaching me everything they knew.
My personal background
[00:10:05] Aubrey: It really felt like such a dream opportunity and I really look back on it with so much fondness and joy. At the same time though, looking back on already the parts of the industry that seeped into the school experience. It's weird when you look back on it because you're like, this should have set off a red flag, right? Like this, this should have been more obvious and I probably should have been paying closer attention to this, but there was so much other shiny things distracting me and I was so young and I didn't know what I was getting myself into, I don't think. And so it didn't really set off any red flags. For example, one time my sister came to visit when I was at school and they have
[00:11:00] Aubrey: a café there called the Apple Pie Bakery. And when you're in the second part of the program, post externship, you end up working in it. So that way you get quote “real life experience on campus.” And I remember we had to wear the same blue jackets to our wines class that we had to work in Apple Pie in. And so I wasn't even working in Apple Pie that day, I didn't have that class. I was just in wine's class and she was visiting and we wanted to go grab lunch. And I sat down t, eat lunch with her and they sent over one of the, I think it was the TA if I remember correctly, to let me know that because I was in my blue jacket that I couldn't sit and eat in Apple Pie Bakery because it would give the wrong impression to the tourists. Because then they'd see their “server” sitting down at the table. And I totally
[00:12:00] Aubrey: do get it to an extent right, as a professional, I can totally understand the thought process. I can also totally understand that they are trying to prepare you for the industry. But looking back on it now and the fact that even at school, even a school I was paying to be at would still prioritize these random strangers driving through over me. And I paid a shit ton of money to be at that school, so the least they could do is let me eat my sandwich in peace because I still paid full price for the sandwich. And I should have known then, truly, where It was on the hierarchy of importance. When I got into my first real job, I, to
[00:13:00] Aubrey: this day, still credit that job and that chef as truly giving me the foundation I needed to be where I am. That chef is one of the best chefs I've ever trained under and worked for, and I will forever be grateful to her. At the same time, though, it was, again, one of the first places where really was reminded that in a lot of ways, I was dispensable. I started on such a strong path with them. I grew really fast. I was understanding all the different roles. Someone on vacation, someone was sick, whatever the reason, I could cover every shift in the department. And I remember starting a couple months in trying to push to be like, I want to grow. I want to grow. I want to move up. And even though technically they had this very specific system about, certain restriction number of positions and so that to them
[00:14:00] Aubrey: was the reason and all that stuff. Remember it not just being about like the pay or the role, but just the, I want to learn, I want to learn, I want to learn. And unfortunately that chef and I rubbed each other the wrong way after a while because it really got to a point where... From my perspective, at least, I would think that, something would go wrong, and I would be explaining to that chef why it went wrong, so that way she had context. That's, I don't know, looking back on it, I get, it could, it was probably annoying. I was like, literally 20 years old. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Or, I guess I was 21. But anyway, baby. No idea. No concept. And, rather than ever having a conversation with me about how what I was doing was annoying her, or that she felt it was unprofessional or whatever the reason was, she just found me overwhelming and basically just kept pushing me farther and farther
[00:15:00] Aubrey: away. And so that made me even more reactive and like desperate to try and be like, I'm trying to fix it. I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to do this. And it just made, I think, me even more overwhelming to her. But never once did she have, or at least that I can remember, have a conversation with me. What I do distinctly remember is the fact that the reason I eventually left is because it had been like two or three months at that point where that chef had barely spoken to me. Literally only spoke to me as needed when I did something wrong and needed to correct me and nothing else. And while we did get a chance to talk later after I had left, because we ran into each other and I was grateful then that she gave me the insight that, she felt that I didn't take constructive criticism and had wished I had handled things differently and all this stuff. I just also remember, you're my manager,
[00:16:00] Aubrey: why couldn't you tell me this before? Why couldn't you let me know that this was how you wanted me to behave and I would have done it differently or anything like that, again, I was so young. Just tell me what you want and I'll do it. But I just always felt like it was okay she's annoying just avoid her and then I would go into other roles and you know I would keep thinking that I'm working so hard, I'm committed to the team. I'm always available. You only have to show me something once, maybe twice, and I do it and I do it. And I'm a strong employee, and everyone tells me I'm a strong employee, and a strong like cook, but then everyone still hates me, or tells me… I'm, I remember sitting in a boss's office one time and trying to tell them like, I want to grow with this company. That's why I came here. I'm so excited. I like, I want to work my way to being a hotel manager. And then his response wasn't, wow, I'm so glad you're motivated or anything of the sort or
[00:17:00] Aubrey: Oh wow, like we love having employees that want to grow with us. No, it was people your age and your generation, they're so naïve and so lazy. You just think everything's going to happen for you. It's just going to fall into place and you just want everything now. And for context, the timeline I had been talking to him of my goals at the time was about a 10 year plan. And if you thought 10 years was too short, then that's fine. Just tell me, hey, you're realistically looking at a 20 year plan here, not 10, rather than just shitting all over me and telling me how like immature I was. I had a manager one time, because I definitely blew up in another employee and it was completely inappropriate, and rather than again, saying hey, this was completely inappropriate behavior.
[00:18:00] Aubrey: We're never going to tolerate this from you again. And if you do this, you're going to get fired. However, I want to teach you how to better handle this situation, let's talk through it. Let's talk about what happened, how we got there and figure out how we do this differently next time. Because again, we're not going to tolerate this again. Cool. I would have been totally on board with them. And you know what, a hundred percent you are right. Instead, I sat there while he yelled at me while I bawled my eyes out in front of another coworker. So he literally did to me what I did to someone else and told me I was hostile and that I was such a poor representation of the company. And I was basically lucky they weren't firing me because they didn't want someone like me representing them. I one time accidentally walked on a floor that had just gotten mopped and the chef who had never had issues with me before who
[00:19:00] Aubrey: had told me I was an excellent employee multiple times stopped to yell at me in front of the entire staff calling me a rude and insensitive person for walking on someone's brand new mopped floor. And again, did I love that I walked on this person's brand new mopped floor? No. Did I think it was rude? Kinda, yeah. But if I had realized that I had done it... I wouldn't have done it because never once had I ever set a tone with my fellow staff that is how I cared for them or behaved. And just that one mistake, now I was back at the bottom. I was an asshole. And this real whiplash with this industry has been a very difficult thing for me to process. It's caused me a lot of actual confusion on how to tell reality apart. I spend a lot of time in therapy actually working on this because I, it's I almost can't tell
[00:20:00] Aubrey: what's my truth and what's the truth anymore. Like sometimes I'll think something is true and then literally in my head, I'll be debating, am I just perceiving it that way? Maybe I'm a completely off base. Where does reality actually lie? It's I honestly can't tell anymore because the last 10 plus years I have tried to be a good person, a hardworking employee, someone of good character and quality skill set. And when you make one mistake and someone just reams into you like you are the biggest piece of shit that ever walked this planet, you start to question if you're a fucking psycho. If you actually know where that line lands, because you're like, wow, I must be completely off base. I must really not understand how my behavior is affecting other people. And then I remember, one of the places I worked in had a mentor program. And I was like, this is my moment. I'm going to talk through all of this with my mentor. I'm going to let them know that I just, I want to be a good employee. I want to be
[00:21:00] Aubrey: a good leader and they're going to help me get there. And this is finally my moment. And then I remember the first time I was supposed to meet with my mentor, we had scheduled an opportunity and 10 minutes into the, what I thought was an hour meeting that we had scheduled, they literally told me that they double booked themselves and had to go. And to be perfectly blunt, I tried to see if that person would follow up with me and I waited for like weeks, literal weeks, and that person never reached out to me to reschedule. So finally I reached out to them. And I was like, hey, can we get together, can we try this again? And we go and it was a little bit better the second time, but again, they were like, ‘Oh, I'm so sorry. I got to leave a little early.’
[00:22:00] Aubrey: And that just kept happening and I had to keep chasing them down and then they were always too busy. And it was just like, what am I supposed to do with this industry that I'm like so desperately trying to be there for and to be accomplished in? And I am just not of value to. As I have been able to find ways to separate myself from this industry through time away, it took a really long sabbatical where I left being a pastry chef and I only had a toe left in the industry. I was very, as separated as I could get in a way. And I limited myself to teaching for a while. And even though it was very difficult financially to step away from everything;
[00:23:00] Aubrey: and it was really hard mentally to feel like I was giving up on something that I've really dedicated myself to for over a decade. I made every sacrifice to be a Pastry Chef. And in the end here I was walking away and saying, okay, I'm not going to do that anymore. But I also just dedicated 10 years of my life to that. So is this a good choice? Is this a bad choice? Is this, am I sending all that experience down the drain? And, Thankfully, with the space and the
[00:24:00] Aubrey: peace of quiet without a lot of other people's voices in my head and to be able to really spend some time in therapy and regrounding myself, it was really interesting to see what came back in a way. So by that, and if you work in an industry like service or anything similar, I'm sure you can agree that. There is a separation of yourself that is required to be very good at this. You find ways to quiet your needs, right? Oh, I'm not feeling well today. I don't got time for that. Or, oh, I have this, I really want to go to this thing for my family, or I really want to go to this birthday party or whatever. No, that's not good timing. Like I, I can't really give up that day, we got a lot going on. Or I'm really behind on the prep, got to just push through, maybe next week. And it just, you constantly push things aside
[00:25:00] Aubrey: because the list never gets smaller, and the needs never really stop, or the staffing is an issue, or whatever it is. I've just always been one of those people that will prioritize the needs of my job before the needs of myself. And some people find me to be a good employee for that, but that's not been enough to be a good employee. It has still not been enough for me at least. And so when I finally had the space away and I realized that I can try to give everything I've got, make every sacrifice I can and think I should do for this job and I'm still not a value to them. I'm still not enough for them. I'm still too much of something for them. Okay, so what do I do with that?
How I’ve started to heal and ground myself since
[00:26:00] Aubrey: So as I reconnected with myself, and tried to reground myself with that mentality, of like, where that reality line actually is, I couldn't get over how much about myself I had forgotten, how much of my memories actually came back because I had just not been investing in myself. I had literally built a wall and there was Industry Aubrey. There was Pastry Chef Aubrey. There wasn't a whole person in there anymore. And so as I reconnected with, my past and my memories and who I actually was and what had actually been important to me before I went into the industry, it always came back to community. Community was what I was raised with, what I was raised to prioritize. Community is the reason that I enjoyed this industry. Community is the thing all humans need. And all humans should want to take care of, in my humble opinion. So that's why I'm doing a podcast, because
[00:27:00] Aubrey: I was like, just, I don't know, trying to figure out a way to have these conversations with my community. On how we can really improve, but more I think one of the reasons we all feel so alone and angry and sad all the time is because we are so disconnected from each other, right? Even though we have more ways than ever to get in touch with each other, we spend more time with inanimate objects than ever. We don't even have things a lot of times made by other humans like we used to throughout history. Now it's all made by machinery or it's digital. And that disconnection from each other, I think is one of the biggest reasons as to how we got where we are and why we have so many, in my humble opinion, at least, confused priorities as to what to invest in our societies, but hopefully if you feel at all similar and you want to also find a way to reconnect
[00:28:00] Aubrey: with your community. I just want you to know that you're welcome here and hopefully we can grow together and solve these problems together so that way we really can build an industry that is worthy of the name hospitality. It is actually hospitable, everyone involved in it, and not just the people who come to visit it. Not the people who are temporarily here just because we can make some extra money off of them. The people who are actually in it, doing the work, day in and day out for their peers and for the people who come to visit. Throughout this show I am determined that it will not just be a bunch of talking about what could be but actually providing tangible examples of how change is already being made and the people who I'm so excited for you to hear along the way the interviews that I've had. They have provided some incredible, tangible advice of things that you can try
[00:29:00] Aubrey: immediately in your work life, in your personal life, to be able to start having the conversations and making the change that we need to have. So to ensure that I'm not putting that weight just on everyone else and that I am meeting the standard that I want to set, I wanted to share some of the things that I've done over the last Almost two years since I left the industry to help heal and ground myself. And they might sound cheesy to you, and to each their own, but I am in a very different place than when I left the industry and so hopefully it'll help you on your journey as well. One of the simplest things and hardest things that I did was I started taking for lack of a better term, audits of my day. So things like, did you eat
[00:30:00] Aubrey: today? Probably not. Did you drink anything today? Also, probably not. Half the time I was making decisions on when to drink water based on when would be a convenient time to have to pee. Because, heaven forbid, I have to pee during a time where I have to send out desserts or I get into service trying to get past that. Did I do anything actually for myself or my own personal enrichment? Or even if I did, was it only for the benefit of my job or my career? Starting to ask myself these questions and paying attention was the very first step. And honestly, the most important. Because it would make me realize that simple things that should be happening for my body were not happening.
[00:31:00] Aubrey: Because I wasn't giving it the bare minimum that it needs to survive. It also helped me... Start pausing and learning to think about my own needs again, because in this industry, you are not trained to be worried about what are your own needs. Of course, you're always looking externally. And if recording this podcast has taught me anything, it's that I am not well developed in the skillset of taking care of myself or talking about myself or thinking about myself, and I need a lot of practice in that. So as you start to do your audit and you. can have a better account of what it is you're actually doing and how you're spending your time. I learned this tactic from the internet, so I'm definitely not the one that created it, but it really worked for me, so I wanted to share it here. I started trying to find ways to swap
[00:32:00] Aubrey: habits and by that it's really hard to build a new habit, especially for someone like me who really struggles to focus and not overexert themselves and then heaven forbid, it's not fun anymore, then I sure as hell am not interested, pretty sure I'm ADHD, but who the hell knows. Anyway, the point is... That I found that anytime I could swap a habit rather than have to build one from scratch, that I was way more successful. So try both, see which works for you. But I'm going to talk about swapping habits. So to do that, now that I had a better idea of how I was actually spending my time and what my habits were, I wrote them all down.
[00:33:00] Aubrey: You don't have to do that. You could do this mentally, whatever, again, version works for you. But I wrote them all down and I was like, okay, what do I actually that I do during COVID for the first time in a really long time, I started reading again and I love books. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm pretty obsessed with learning and reading and I hadn't really read in years and then during quarantine for COVID, I read 20 books in just a few months and so I was like, okay, that's nice that started again. I want to keep that. And so that went in the keep pile. It's like back to, when you clean out your closet, what do you keep? What do you get rid of? And what do you donate? Kind of thing. It's similar to that. So I pulled out all the things that I knew I wanted to keep, that I felt. made me a better version of myself or made me the version of myself I wanted to be, or was at least healthy for me, et cetera. And then from
[00:34:00] Aubrey: the things that were left, I would say, okay, are the things I have to be doing, right? Cause there are certain habits that like, maybe you don't love, but you have to do. And so I'd carry those down as well. And then anything that was left were pretty much things either I didn't need to be doing or weren't really good for me or both. And so then. I'd write down all the habits I wanted to have, right? Okay, so we started with what we were just already doing, no changes. We decided what we're keeping, what's good for us, and of what's left, now we're going to try and swap those for something we want to start, right? And you're not going to be able to do this all at once, but you'll pick one thing at a time. So for me, it was scrolling
[00:35:00] Aubrey: on my phone, right? It was just like, I played way too much Tetris, scrolled way too much on Instagram. And they weren't really benefiting me or, making me better. It was just numbing tactics. and I definitely stole this from my cousin. credit to her. Every time then I reached for my phone to just scroll on the internet, I would click open Duolingo. Because I'd always wanted to learn another language, and it was a fast little kind of easy game that I could play. And... Sometimes, I didn't want to do it for very long. I would click in, I would do one little quiz, it takes about like 30 seconds. And I was like, you know what, I'm over it. I just didn't want to go on Instagram.
[00:36:00] Aubrey: But then sometimes once I started, I was like, oh, like I'm really into this. This is a lot more fun. I don't need to be watching TV. I don't need to be scrolling. I'm having a great time learning French. it doesn't have to be that. But you can see that it was something I was already doing. And there was something that I wish I was doing instead. So I found the thing that was closest to it and I swapped it out. Maybe this will work for you. Maybe you've tried it. Maybe you think it's ridiculous. Again, each their own. But this was a really helpful thing for me to like really hold myself accountable with the things that I wish I was doing and to help incorporate them into my routine. Now I will say, the other thing that's really important here is being patient and kind with yourself. I thought this was gonna take two weeks of binge watching Netflix and laying on my couch and I was gonna be like ready to go, this podcast was gonna be out a year ago and I was gonna be living my best life and it took months.
[00:37:00] Aubrey: It's still a working progress so do not expect these things to change overnight. Do not expect them to be like consistent You're probably gonna have steps back. I know I did that's okay. It's part of the process. Another thing that was really important for me was revisiting things that I did before I was in the industry. It had been so long since I'd been like connected to myself and who I was that I didn't really, again, know who that, what that meant beyond work. So I started trying to slowly reincorporate things that I had once loved. So the first one was reading. It just worked out naturally. We were all trapped in the house in quarantine. And so I am a book hoarder and I had lots of things around and anyway, so that was like the first step and it really felt good to do something really simple that I used to love and it gave me the boost. I needed to try the next thing. And so for me, that's been going back to ballet and I haven't danced in the last 10 years and I got to tell you, it is really weird going back in your thirties when you have not done it since you were in your twenties.
[00:38:00] Aubrey: Very different body now, but. It has been so rewarding to have something that is really for me. And not for anyone else to have something that really helps me pull in and zone in for my mental and my physical well being. Because for so many years I was not doing anything for my body. I can't tell you how many years I tried every kind of diet and weight loss. I was counting my calories and I was just getting bigger and bigger. And I was feeling like shit about myself. And I just blamed myself. I remember one time I got like a nutrition coach. And I told her about my lifestyle. I paid money for this cause I knew I worked in this very weird industry. It was very difficult for me to be able to meal prep, despite the irony that I work in food, but like I was not coming home to cook and prep a bunch of meals after being at work for 10 plus hours cooking, like I wanted the fastest thing possible. That's why I ate a lot of frozen pizza and a lot of burritos for a long time.
[00:39:00] Aubrey: And so when I got out of the industry for the first time I wasn't stressed and I wasn't like constantly going I was able to actually pause and listen to my body and not see it as an inconvenience when I needed to eat and when I needed to drink things and I ended up losing like 30 pounds and I don't say that as like you have to lose a bunch of weight and what not to be healthy I
[00:40:00] Aubrey: just say it as like It was such a jarring reminder to myself of one that is your stress literally falling off and that is The limitations that have been put on you and that this wasn't your fault that like your body was literally being Starved and so it just held on to everything and I should be grateful to this body that Instead of turning me into a sick little twig It did whatever it could to keep me alive and to keep me able to Do this very demanding job with very little given to it in return And so I've learned a lot of gratitude towards my body for the bullshit I put it through over the last decade. But again, it was that connection to something outside of this industry. Something completely unrelated to food. Something where I could be totally a different version of
[00:41:00] Aubrey: myself that wasn't just a pastry chef. It took that to really feel grounded again and to see myself in a more complete picture rather than just this one version of myself.So think to things that you used to love or things that you still do that you love, but maybe you don't really give it the time it deserves because it seems frivolous or because you're just so tired from what you do all day that there's nothing left for it in the end. And I encourage you to challenge yourself to figure out how can I build that time in?And I understand that's very difficult. I'm very lucky. I guess I shouldn't say I'm lucky, I just chose not to have children and so I have a lot more time, and that's not luck. But I have a lot of time that I can invest to things like that beyond my restrictions from work. And I understand that a lot of other people, for whatever reason, kids
[00:42:00] Aubrey: or something else may have more restrictions on their time beyond their job. With that being said though, All of us can either, again, stop scrolling on our phones and decide that's not how we want to invest our time, that we want to do something else that we're actually passionate about, or two, sometimes the amount of energy that we invest is something because we've been convinced that it's so important when really it does not need to be on that level. For example, I'm back to working in the industry and I still have a very high level standard of what I deem as successful or the standard of work that I want to be known for. And I try really hard to maintain this, what everyone tells me, is a ridiculous standard. But I have made
[00:43:00] Aubrey: progress in the sense that, but I have made progress and gotten to a better point that I can pick and choose my battles in different ways now. For example, if something happens, the other day at work something wasn't prepared and rather than freaking out about it, I was just like, okay, we have the things I'm going to pull the things and then I'll have the conversation with the person later. And yes, it was, it's important and I can't forget about it, but at the end of the day, it was not worth the energy freaking out about it. I've worked really hard to start learning how to pick and choose those battles and to find my Zen and to reserve that energy for when it's something that like really needs it versus allowing my anxiety to rule me. And this has been a very slow journey. I am again, not saying that this is going to happen for you overnight. This has taken
[00:44:00] Aubrey: the last two years completely, plus therapy, to even remotely find this said inner peace. But I promise you it is possible. The first time I felt it blew my mind. I was like, oh my God I totally forgot what that felt like. I had just only known what anxiety tearing up my stomach felt like for so long that I forgot what the other one was even possible or, what it felt like. I'm just repeating myself now, but the point is, it is possible. It's worth the effort. It's worth the work. So just stay in it, stay committed, be kind to yourself, acknowledge it's going to be a journey. And it could be a long one, because again, didn't get there overnight, not going to get out of it overnight, but it's definitely worth it. It's definitely possible. The third one is people.
[00:45:00] Aubrey: Making sure that if you are not currently spending time with other people that you try to find something small and the nice thing is post COVID people are very open to different ways of hanging out, right? Like it doesn't always have to be anything fancy or a big dinner. Lots of my friends really enjoy just going and sitting in the park now, and having a glass of wine or something and some snacks or. Even over Zoom, right? I've done a couple coffee dates over Zoom because that's all we had time for, or one of us didn't have access to a car, or whatever reason, and it is more important to be able to spend some time with that person than having this preconceived notion of how we should be spending that time together. I encourage you to ensure that you're not just hanging out with your co-workers, and that's great if you love them. I love mine and I love spending time with them, but I also need to have something outside of that work bubble and that is okay and that is going to keep me as a better version of myself for when I'm at work and with those
[00:46:00] Aubrey: people. So if you're not currently hanging out with anyone outside your work bubble, figure out one person to bring in and just slowly build out from there.
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[00:46:23] Aubrey: Thank you for listening to another episode of the Golden Approach podcast. If you enjoyed listening, I would super appreciate it if you would share us with a friend or maybe give us a follow. That's cool too. And if you want to hang out with us some more, follow on Instagram @goldenapproachpod or check out our website, goldenapproachpodcast.com for more details such as transcripts and reference links from today's episode. Until next time though, remember, everything's gonna be just fine.
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