How the f*ck did we get here?

Season 1

Aug 7

Picture of host Aubrey Shaffner, in Chef whites on the phone and holding a knife

Episode 002: Aubrey Shaffner

Pastry Professional, Educator, and Host

Let’s chat about how the service industry got where we are so we can attempt to fix it. It’s going to be a journey, but I’m excited to be making change together.

EPISODE OUTLINE

[00:00:17] Episode Introduction
All the things…
- [00:05:47] The Brigade System and History
- [00:12:52] Addiction and Substance Abuse
- [00:18:29] Exploitation of Minority Labor
- [00:23:56] Tipping Culture
- [00:30:20] Equal Pay
[00:32:58] Imagining a Different World
[00:39:25] “Mise for Progress”
[00:49:00] Closing

Transcript

Music fades in…

[00:00:00] Aubrey: Welcome to another episode of the Golden Approach podcast, a show where service professionals can come together to figure out hospitality beyond our old habits. And I'm really grateful you're here.

Music fades out…

Episode Introduction

[00:00:17] Aubrey: On this episode of the show, we're going to chat a bit about where things are currently with the food industry. And while I promise this is not going to forever solely be a chef-focused podcast since it is what I do for a living and what I figure most of my friends do for a living. I figured I'd start with what I know and let the show kind of grow from there. So in the context of what's to come for season one though, I did want to cover a few important points.

[00:00:38] I feel like this episode just kind of became a conglomeration of the many different conversations I've had with friends and peers throughout my time in the industry. We're constantly talking about it. Day in, day out. Talk about it at work, go out after work, talk about it with our friends, our families, strangers who will listen.

[00:00:58] I find myself talking about it constantly. And while a lot of the motivation is because I love what I do, and I'm pretty grateful for that, not a lot of people can say that, but it's honestly because I'm pretty consumed by it and don't really have a whole lot else to talk about beyond it. Thank goodness people tend to find what I do interesting.

[00:01:17] Sometimes it's just getting to simply nerd out about an interesting wine or food pairing I had recently, or a great, like, restaurant that just opened, or cookbook I found. I love when people ask me questions about how to bake so I can convince them that it's not actually that scary. But majority of the time it's explaining to people like my family, my muggle friends, you know, those not working in the industry, why I am never available.

[00:01:45] Or more so, time with friends venting about all the bullshit dealt with every day. I like to think that it's productive at times, you know, good to get it off our chest and all, learn from each other's experiences. The reminder you're not alone, but far too often it becomes a contest of kind of like who survived the most bullshit.

[00:02:05] Getting caught in this toxic cycle of always working, only being friends with the people we work with, and going out afterwards just to drink and bitch about it some more. Far too often in this industry, and in my humble opinion this country, we feel our suffering is a badge of honor, like it's the only way to prove our worth.

[00:02:25] You hear, they woke up early every day for 20 years, never taking a day off. And while I'm forever impressed by the work ethic of my peers, it's kind of shame on us and this industry for being okay that that's the standard. And now before people start coming after me, you know, online, turning this off, whatever it is going to be, I do believe that to be great at things, You have to be dedicated to it, and that does naturally lead to sacrifice, especially if you're in an elite level of hospitality.

[00:03:00] But in general, I think we also forget that at the end of the day, we are serving food. It's not necessarily saving lives in the same way like doctors do. And yet we continue to let people work us to the bone and make us feel like crap because we didn't prioritize it over everything else. For example, one time my husband cut off the top of his thumb, he's also a chef, and he called me to say he was going to the hospital.

[00:03:27] Luckily I'd only worked a couple blocks away at that point and told him I'd be right there. I found the first managers I could and just blatantly told them I'm leaving to go with him. And when I got to his restaurant, his hand was wrapped in a station towel and the front house manager handed me a deli container, classic, full of ice, and of course the top of his thumb.

[00:03:47] Anyway, we get to the ER and we're in the waiting room, you know, we end up in the little space where you kind of just hang out and they pop in and out and take care of you sort of on and off. And he receives a text from his chef, and all it said was, quote, ETA question mark. I'm not going to repeat here the things that I said, but I was pretty obviously pissed and told him to give me the phone.

[00:04:13] It's in his best interest and mine that luckily he didn't, but it was not the only text of the sort he received. For context, I am going to mention that it was New Year's Eve, and though in a decent world, it really shouldn't matter. This is the restaurant industry, and we only have so much staff. The public has no sympathy what day of the year it is if you're short staffed.

[00:04:37] So of course I desperately wanted him back in the kitchen. And honestly, so did my team. By the time he was squared away and released, it was like, I don't know, like six or seven o'clock at night, if I remember correctly. And again, in a normal world, we probably would have gone home, sat on the couch, and just taken it easy.

[00:04:56] But that is not the world we live in, and definitely not the careers we chose. So of course we went back to work, and were there till like, 2am. And when I returned back to work, saw my boss, their response was, quote, something about, You're lucky you are who you are, or I wouldn't have let you go. And, I mean, I was obviously pissed, but like, At the end of the day, I kind of just have to laugh because I can't be angry at them or anyone else.

[00:05:25] Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to deliver what we promise and that really leaves no room for anything personal to get in the way. They had been taught that behavior by their chefs as cooks. And so of course that's what they upheld as chefs to their cooks. It's an expectation that is passed down generation to generation.

The Brigade System and History

[00:05:47] And so if you don't already know him, we have to chat about, quote, the king of chefs and chef of kings himself, Auguste Escoffier. If you are in this food industry and you do not know who I'm talking about right now, Please do a Google search after this. And it's not because I think he's actually the king of chefs, but because he's the guy we have to thank for the lovely brigade system, which has become one of the biggest factors in how kitchens run.

[00:06:15] Highlight real history lesson here. Escoffier started as a cook as a kid, like age of 12. And when he was 18, served as an army chef in the Franco Prussian war. After completing his service, his approach to kitchens was forever changed by his military experience. And he translated that experience into what we know today as the brigade system.

[00:06:36] You know, you're chef de cuisine or executive chef, sous chef, chef de partie, cuisinier, commis, apprentice, et cetera. There's like 20 positions in this thing. And while I'm all for organization, I am a Capricorn after all, the risk factor here is you are also setting the power dynamic. This is not strictly a bad thing.

[00:06:59] Nothing usually is black and white in that way, but human nature proves time and time again, that whenever a hierarchical system is introduced. That there's opportunity for the wrong people to claim positions of power. It's like the human story. An all too common occurrence. Anyway, in today's world, there's usually like two main versions of Escoffier's system left.

[00:07:26] One that's more authentic to the original variation, and is usually very alive and well in Michelin starred restaurants. You know, if you're not working in this industry, basically go watch ‘The Menu’ or ‘The Bear’ and you'll know what I'm talking about. Each person has a very specific role, like, people literally work on one thing.

[00:07:44] I had many classmates at CIA do their externships at such places, and in the seven months they were there, they only completed one thing. Day in and day out, so as to master it. The goal is nothing short of consistent perfection there, no matter what. These environments usually have, like, massive amounts of staff to accommodate this approach.

[00:08:07] But the other variation is more the standard. The thing you're gonna kinda find in restaurants everywhere. There, the hierarchy still exists, but it's more concentrated. Needing the staff to be more well rounded and able to rotate stations regularly. For example, in a lot of restaurants, pastry is a real luxury.

[00:08:26] Most restaurants can't afford an actual pastry team, so they either have to outsource the product or the positions have to overlap with something else. So for example, at one of the restaurants I was a pastry chef for, I'd work during the day, do all the prep for service. I basically was, not basically, I was the only person on the pastry team, just me.

[00:08:46] And so anything that had to get done, I did it. But I was also responsible for checking in all the deliveries for the restaurant. Meat, seafood, literally anything that was used there. For And that was a huge learning curve for me. I mean, at CIA, you're taught like twenty different types of apples and how to identify flower without, you know, doing anything but touching it.

[00:09:08] But I sure as hell wasn't being taught, like, how to tell if a fish is good. I knew a couple of baseline things, like, you know, if the eyes look cloudy or if it looks slimy. But then there were times I'd send the fish back and find out that that was the exception to the rule. And no one cared that I wasn't a savory chef or had been given no training on properly identifying such things.

[00:09:30] It was a part of my job and I was expected to own it. Now, on the flip side, at night, if I didn't stay for service, then it was whoever was working the garde manger station or the cold prep station that night. And for context, when I was getting in at like 7:30/8 o'clock in the morning, I was not staying every single night of the week.

[00:09:49] Through service, I basically would reserve that for like Friday and Saturday nights where I'd work from, I don't know, let's say 8 a.m. to like 11 p. m., right? And so, if I did choose to leave, then I was making the conscious choice that the savory guys would be plating my desserts. And no disrespect to anyone I've worked with, but rarely have I found a savory cook as detail oriented as a pastry cook.

[00:10:14] I had to be prepared for my station not to be broken down properly, for things like my ice creams to not be scooped. you know, like flattened. And if you're not a pastry person, it makes a big difference and it is a big deal. Okay. But anyway, so you put all this time and effort into these products and then you have to be okay knowing that they're probably not going to be maintained the way that You need them to be maintained, because you just don't have the staff to accommodate such specific needs.

[00:10:44] But all of this is to say that this system naturally creates environments where power over others is the point. Kitchens are not a democracy, and what chef says goes. Yes, chef. We chef. They're all but our identity. So much so that I know people who have it as a tattoo. That guy can call you whatever he wants.

[00:11:04] You can say whatever he wants to you, tell you to do whatever he wants. And the expectation is you are going to do it. For many, the title of chef is synonymous with what I say goes, just simply because that's their title. They're the chef. When I was at my externship, the chef wouldn't even call externs by name.

[00:11:24] It's like, a hazing thing for him. He decided that it was too personal and it was a necessary part of preparing you for the job. He'd yell at you, call you other names that I can't even repeat here to ensure that his point really sank in and you'd never forget it. And honestly, when I think back to these experiences, I have a really mixed feelings.

[00:11:44] In some ways I'm grateful, which is, I know it sounds crazy, but I was surrounded by true professionals who were driven for excellence. They expected so much from me and I am a better chef because of them. But I also know that the changes I experienced there were not always for the better. Overall, the brigade system leaves individuals with a lot of responsibility and not a lot of influence or power.

[00:12:11] And that lack of influence leaks into every aspect of the experience. It gets in your head, your heart, it changes you. I honestly lost my own identity in this process. I stopped doing things that mattered to me unless it directly related to my job. I lost a lot of friends, and I gave up a decade's worth of time with my family.

[00:12:33] And after a while, I started to forget why I even loved this thing in the first place. And after I left my last pastry chef role, it took me months to feel any desire to bake anything, even from a box. I'm grateful that I did find that love again, but I couldn't believe how long it would take me to feel that way.

Addiction and Substance Abuse

[00:12:52] The loss of one's own self, I think, is the biggest sacrifice we all make. And you honestly don't know how that's going to affect you until it has happened. For too many, it could be the path of addiction, substance abuse, and even suicide. There were friends I had that I didn't even know for years were on cocaine.

[00:13:11] I'd never actually even known them sober. I worked with chefs that would drink through service, who were drunk by the time their team started to break down their stations. And whether it was alcohol or cocaine, they did what they needed to do to meet the expectations set for them. To keep up with this lifestyle that is so mentally and physically draining.

[00:13:31] Even the simple cigarette break can be the stepping stone, or the ongoing motivator for drug use for many. It feels like everyone's doing it, so it becomes an easy way to bond with your peers. But more so, a lot of times, it's the only way you get a break. And since your manager smokes too, they're not usually giving you shit for it.

[00:13:50] Bonus, curbs your hunger and reduces your stress. It is a match made in heaven for service professionals. And then there's alcohol. We bond over it. You start your shift trying the new cocktail or wine on the menu. When you're cleaning up after service, it's traditional to have a shift drink. And then after work, because your adrenaline's still pumping at midnight, what else are you going to do?

[00:14:12] You go to the bar, and while having a drink sitting outside by the water, because I do live in Baltimore after all, on a perfect summer night, laughing, telling stories, especially when Game of Thrones was airing and we were all watching it, there's some of my favorite industry memories. But in 2015, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration reported that employees in restaurants and hotels had the highest levels of substance abuse out of the entire American workforce.

[00:14:42] Another report found that industry professionals, on average, Said 56% consumed alcohol daily and 37% used marijuana daily. And I don't think many of us will find this shocking when you work in an industry, this demanding requiring this much adrenaline and precision with very little say in anything. You just do what you can to control what you can.

[00:15:07] Odds are high. You are thinking of at least a few people that you know who have suffered from substance abuse. Odds are unfortunately high that one of them is you. And if you or someone, you know, does need help, I really recommend you check out Not 9-5 and Ben's Friends. Both are organizations started by industry professionals for industry professionals, Not 9-5 has lots of resources for not only substance abuse, but things like mental health and racial trauma.

[00:15:39] Ben's Friends are focused more specifically on substance abuse. They even offer virtual meetings as late as 11 PM to accommodate our lifestyle and acknowledging it's probably when we're most likely to be triggered. And until this industry, or unfortunately even this country, prioritizes providing insurance and benefits, [00:16:00] I'm going to try and share as many organizations as I can on this show, so you know where to turn when you need it most.

[00:16:08] Speaking of benefits and the lack thereof, for so many this got way worse during COVID, and of course we gotta talk on that. This industry was already showing signs of labor shortages and push back on poor workplace conditions, but the pandemic obviously was the breaking point. Most of us were simply let go or expected to just make it work with less.

[00:16:28] In March 2020, I had a team of five people, and within a week I had two. By week two, it was me. In May, I was furloughed. In July, my position did not exist. And I know so many have similar stories. It left us all really having to reflect on how much can we handle and for what we've talked about how this industry can be filled with really high expectations of skill and dedication.

[00:16:57] And we know far too often you receive little beyond experience in return. So for many, they were done for good. However, our industry accounts for 10 and a half percent of all jobs. All in the U. S. labor market. Companies had to find someone to fill those roles somehow. And in a better world, maybe they would have done some self reflection.

[00:17:22] You know, why wouldn't people want those jobs anymore? But instead, they kind of blamed everyone and everything else, and while I'm naturally a more optimistic leaning person, I'm also a realist, and I have to acknowledge that this capitalist hellhole we seem to find ourselves in these days unfortunately turned to the solutions that was child, immigrant, and prison labor instead.

[00:17:48] And I'll admit, I tried really hard not to turn this episode into basically, like, an episode of Last Week Tonight. It kinda happened naturally, and unfortunately for you, I'm not nearly as funny as he is. And I acknowledge these are tough subjects to learn about. We can't fix what we don't know, though. So I've tried to focus on the need to know information.

[00:18:08] There's a lot to unpack, but I really encourage you to also check out the resources used for this episode to learn more. Because if you even remotely work with food, if you eat food, and if you're a human, you eat food, you are a part of this labor dynamic and therefore responsible in being a part of its solution.

Exploitation of Minority Labor

[00:18:29] So please keep listening. Since 2018, the Department of Labor documented a 69% increase in children who were employed illegally. A Food and Environment Reporting Network analysis, or FERN analysis, of investigation data released by the Department of Labor's Wage and Hour Division, and I get this is a lot of bureaucracy to follow here, but The takeaway is those are the people responsible for enforcing child labor laws.

[00:18:59] They found that more than 75% of the recent violations committed by employers were in the food industry. That means the agency uncovered more than 12,000 out of the 16,000 child labor violations among all sectors. We're in the food system. McDonald's franchises, for instance, committed 8.7% of the violations in the data alone, children are literally involved in every step of the food supply chain so much that while I was researching, it was actually referred to as quote, working illegally farm to table.

[00:19:40] And I'm sorry, what the actual fuck. Farmers are largely exempt from federal child labor laws, and children as young as 12 can work unlimited hours harvesting crops, provided they have their parents consent and don't miss school. Wage and hour division experts said a confluence of economic trends and [00:20:00] political decisions have made the food industry an ideal environment for this kind of exploitation.

[00:20:07] And unfortunately, that goes hand in hand with immigrant labor, since a lot of kids who end up as victims of child labor abuse are also immigrants. Immigrant labor also makes up 50% of the workforce in meatpacking factories and 75% in agriculture. Most make only the federal minimum wage of $7.25 with no benefits and no healthcare options, despite the fact that they have constant exposure to rising global temperatures and more wildfires.

[00:20:42] Unsurprisingly, immigration rates are also used by employers to discourage their employees from striking and unionizing. However, due to the drastic restrictions on immigration in recent years in our country, we've had to source internally for cheap labor that no one would pay attention to. And unfortunately, I give you convict leasing.

[00:21:03] Yes, the leasing of humans for labor of your choice. It almost sounds like something else. That would be illegal, right? Unfortunately, doesn't seem like it. This practice dates back to the Reconstructionist South and is used by private factories and farms. Due to the 13th Amendment, incarcerated workers are not covered by minimum wage laws.

[00:21:29] overtime protection, or the right to unionize. As a result, they have an average national wage of 13 to 52 cents. And that's if they're even paid at all, because I also learned that seven states don't even require that. Even so, up to 80% of their earnings can be taken by the government to cover, and I quote, room and board, or other expenses like their court costs.

[00:21:55] Today, more than 76% of incarcerated workers surveyed by the Bureau of Justice say they are required to work or they face additional punishment such as solitary confinement or loss of family visitation. So basically anytime there's an industry shortage, prison labor is offered up as the solution and prisoners are given no option to opt out.

[00:22:16] Ironically, post incarceration. These individuals face a 27% unemployment rate due to having to announce their pass on job applications, which of course increases the risk of recidivism and maintains that nice steady flow of subsidized labor for private companies. In 2019, the National Restaurant Association's Educational Foundation actually set up a program with a variety of partners to train formerly incarcerated young adults, and now all ages, to work in our industry.

[00:22:50] It's called Hospitality Opportunities for People Re-entering Society, aka HOPES with a grant of $8.5 million from the Department of Labor. And while I'm grateful that the food industry more than most can usually be an opportunity for anyone, no matter their background, willing to do the work and opportunity to succeed.

[00:23:13] But even still, there's too much stigma against individuals with a past of incarceration. I want to feature another organization that's actually here in Baltimore doing an incredible job bridging that gap called Paul's Place. They have a culinary program where individuals from backgrounds of poverty, incarceration, and unhoused can be properly trained for opportunities.

[00:23:35] And they get real life experience because they're the ones cooking on the onsite soup kitchen. It's an amazing example of what can be accomplished when we invest in people. And not just profits. And now that we've talked a lot about things sort of, you know, in the back of house sector, it's just as important that we talk about the situation in the front of house.

Tipping Culture

[00:23:56] Cause just as the brigade system in the back of house controls the power dynamic, tipping culture does exactly the same thing. When employees are paid 2 or maybe $3 per hour by their employer, they have to invest a great effort into convincing the general public to pay them appropriately. And again, while I don't mean to be a pessimist here.

[00:24:17] We cannot deny the world we are currently living in, there are still too many people with preconceived notions about others and what they, quote, deserve. For some, the tip approach is actually preferred. I've known a good amount of server friends who make six figure salaries. But still, the average pay for food service workers in 2021 was $25,980 a year.

[00:24:40] That's like $12.49 an hour. I've worked in the bubble that is fine dining, but for the majority of the industry, they are not serving in places with 15 cocktails and 30 plus entrees. So their take home average is pathetically low. The matter honestly just gets worse the more you dig into it, but again, the whole point of this episode is knowing how we got here, so let's, let's just do it.

[00:25:06] Tipping might actually date back to the Roman era, but most sources... They weren't sure about that. So let's focus on Europe. So when wealthy visitors would come to homes, they'd actually leave tips for the servants who provided good service. And some say the word tip dates back to the 17th century, when London taverns or coffee houses would put signs out saying, quote, to ensure promptude alongside the boxes or bowls where customers could leave an extra coin for faster service.

[00:25:37] But I've really seen mixed reviews on this origin story. So take it with a grain of salt. Tipping was almost non existent though in the U. S. before the Civil War. Wealthy Americans were visiting Europe, brought the practice to the U. S. to mimic the European culture, but it really took root as a business strategy during reconstruction.

[00:25:58] And I know, shocker, here we go again. Some hospitality companies started to use freed slaves, pay them low wages, and then encourage customers to leave them tips. For example, George Pullman, who founded the Pullman Company in 1859, he started operating luxury sleeping cars on the country's growing network of railways.

[00:26:21] And in 1868, Pullman began hiring black men, most of them former slaves, to serve as porters since he considered them to already be perfectly trained servants. Excuse me while I gag a little. Pullman paid them minuscule wages, like $27.50 a month in 1916. So that's like the equivalent of $814-ish now and like $10,000 a year, but they were working like 400 hours a month.

[00:26:51] That part of the industry also has not changed. And they were treated harshly, often subject to abuse, and Pullman encouraged his wealthy passengers of those luxury cars to leave them tips. The rail car company played a major role in the spread of tipping. There's an estimate that tipping saved the Pullman company two and a half million dollars on their annual payroll.

[00:27:14] And in today's world for inflation, that's like 75 million dollars. So numerous other companies, of course, adopted similar practices. And by the turn of the century, tipping had been Made common, but the practice was stuck by the early 1900s and two events specifically solidified the status of tipping in the U.S.

[00:27:35] First was hotels. They served as the nation's first restaurants, you know, who separated their meal surfaces from the bills of the hotel guests. And when they shifted it to being separate, the tips could then be used to supplement the wages. So obviously they went with that. And then Prohibition hit. The nationwide ban of the sale of alcoholic beverages had a wide ranging impact on society, of course.

[00:28:01] According to the Journal of Management, Prohibition led to many hotels to convert their bars into lunch rooms, and they sold meals to anyone who walked in the door, not just guests anymore. So hotel owners were more tolerant of tipping because customers ordered their meals from a menu, and to them it seemed less like a bribe.

[00:28:21] The University of Saskatchewan study also noted that tipping grew more and more accepted in industry journals, notably Hotel Monthly. In a 1921 essay in the publication, Chicago journalist Wallace Rice called tipping patriotic. The article was titled, quote, proving that tipping is good American today.

[00:28:44] The state laws against tipping all proved ineffective too. And by 1926, each of the states that had banned the practice, rescinded the rules, making it an accessible tactic for anyone and everyone who wanted to do it. Unfortunately, in 1938, when President Roosevelt signed the Fair Labor Standards Act, which established the first minimum wage, there was no actual minimum deemed for tipped wages.

[00:29:11] So in doing so, Congress really codified the tipping practice. And it wasn't until 1966 before it would pass a minimum for tipped workers. So you fast forward to today. And the only thing most Americans may agree with is that they dislike tipping. And that's also gotten worse since COVID. We all know everywhere you go now, they flip that little kiosk around and they are asking you for a tip.

[00:29:36] We're all kind of lost in this. Tipping overwhelm, right? And while Americans say they do believe businesses should pay employees better rather than relying so much on tips, actually, about 41% of the country seems to believe that and they're annoyed about the pre entered tip screens. I was just talking about that was 32%.

[00:30:00] Only 16% said they'd be willing to pay higher prices to do away with tipping. Well, what are we supposed to do with that? At a time where inflation and general economic nerves seem to be making consumers stingier with their tipping habits, we're more and more confronted with imitations to tip than ever.

Equal Pay

[00:30:20] I also think it is important while we're on this topic to point out that 63% of entry level roles in restaurants, such as servers, hostesses, bartenders that rely on tips, are actually female and why I'd like to think I don't need to convince anyone listening that women are rarely paid fairly to their male counterparts.

[00:30:40] I'm just going to share a blatant example just in case. And yes, I get this one is not about tipping because I'm in the back of house. I think it gets the point across either way. So one place I worked, I agreed to go from a pastry chef role to a Cook 3, which, for those who don't know, is the lowest you can do.

[00:30:58] And despite my efforts to get like a Cook 1 or even a Cook 2 as a compromise, I was told that since they had just opened, they were not distinguishing between roles until at least 90 days. That is exactly what they told me. So, when 90 days rolled around, I go to HR and ask for an update. Oh, they say, we meant 90 days from when we opened, not 90 days from when we hired you.

[00:31:25] Cool, okay, so I go back 90 days after open, and I'm given some other runaround answers to why not yet. But by men, I was friends with the line cooks, you know, the savory guys. And so when chatting one day came to find out that they were all basically cook ones. Yeah, all of them. And they were making 3 more per hour than we were.

[00:31:50] So pretty clearly savory guys, all cook ones, $3 more per hour, pastry team, all women, all cook threes. Obviously I brought it up to HR and the F& B director. And of course. They gave me the raise. But no, that is not how this world works. Of course, that is not what happened. Instead, I did a two week action plan to quote, follow protocol to get the raise.

[00:32:17] And then I had to follow up with people for two pay periods to ensure it actually happened. And the cherry on that misogynistic Sunday was when the F& B director told me that the lesson I needed to learn from this experience Is that nothing is real unless it's signed on paper and that I should know better next time.

[00:32:39] My God, I was really wishing I would make these stories up. The last big talking point though that I want to cover in this episode, I think the hardest thing that we're going to face in trying to move this industry forward is the simple fact that at the end of the day, people only know what they know.

Imagining a Different World

[00:32:58] If you've never experienced a different kind of lifestyle, maybe you can imagine what it's like, right? It's definitely easier if you've seen movies or read books, heard stories, especially talk to people who've lived it, right? The more examples and sort of ways that people can encapsulate you into it and make you feel like you're actually a part of something, The more you understand it, it's simple fact, that's how things go, but to create something that doesn't currently exist and that many people have never experienced to get them to not only believe it's possible and to agree on the direction and then to do the work to get it there is definitely going to be a hurdle, but I beg you to realize Thanks.

[00:33:57] That it is possible growing up Monday through Friday, we lived a very sort of suburban life, wake up. Kids go to school. Parents go to work, come home. Parents drive kids to activities. I did ballet, of course, as I mentioned, but my sister also did cello and choir. And so, you know, Lots of places to go throughout the week and lots of lessons to get to.

[00:34:24] But then on the weekends, rather than kind of more the traditional ways to spend our time of like, I don't know, going to cookouts or going to sports games, things like that, my parents found outlets that kind of provided experience, ways for them to try new things and to round themselves out. And that's what I was exposed to.

[00:34:51] And that's what I was taught. So, you know, when I was a kid, we would do civil war reenacting. It was so freeing because you would pack up for the weekend and we'd get to do these like road trips as a family. And there was no technology. This also was like the late nineties, early two thousands. And it was just true quality time with each other

[00:35:14] exploring the world and getting to push ourselves as individuals through those new experiences. And there were only three rules when we were at a reenactment. One, if you missed breakfast, that was your problem. Two, you had to be back by dark, no exceptions. And three, if you did ever get lost and you didn't know how to find your way home, you had to speak to someone in reenactment garb.

[00:35:42] Not regular garb, because obviously that was unsafe and you didn't know who you were going to be talking to. And I feel like for a lot of people I know, they never had a childhood that was like, Okay, go and do, you know, like my mom was not checking if we were sanitizing our hands regularly. And we were just, I don't know, literally running in fields 48 hours, basically

[00:36:09] me and my sister and the two friends we grew up with. And it was just like the most freeing experience a kid could have. It taught me so much self autonomy and independence and forethought. And I am definitely a better human for it. I feel it's like one of the greatest privileges of my life that I got to grow up with a childhood like that.

[00:36:33] And, when I got a little older, my dad was trying to discover sort of who he was because he's adopted and, you know, for a while there, we thought his dad was indigenous. And so we, well, he, he deserves the credit, he started reaching out to different, you know, communities for connection and information, explaining the situation.

[00:36:55] And they welcomed us really with open arms and we just fully embraced that we were a part of that culture and we need to learn that culture in its most authentic form and again, very sort of free life, right? We went out to South Dakota and we'd stay out there and there is nothing like the perspective of standing on sort of the top of a hill in the prairie, looking in every direction, not seeing

[00:37:31] any roads, any houses, just earth and sky, as untouched by man as I've ever gotten to see, all the way to the horizon. And then at night, when you can see the Milky Way, the entire way from one horizon to the other because there's no light and there's nothing to block it out. I don't think I will ever be able to fully put into words the perspective that those kinds of experiences have given me.

[00:38:05] And I think far too often, personally, we end up feeling very trapped as individuals, and as society, by sort of like the rat race of it all and the disconnect to nature that we forget that there was another type of living available. We forget that it's not all about us playing God, that there is a bigger energy out-

[00:38:36] side of our power that we will never probably be able to truly explain and we're lucky that we even get to experience it firsthand. That this is the planet we live on. And I say all this because to me, rebuilding this industry is the same thing. If I hadn't been given the privilege of seeing that other type of living existed and really felt it in my gut and in my soul, what it is to be truly connected to this earth and not in a position sort of with blinders on being convinced of what corporations think I need, then it probably would be difficult for me to imagine that this other world is possible.

“Mise for Progress”

[00:39:25] That there can be a way where we can all work together and we can do quality work, but we can also live the lives we need and that yes, money is important, but we need to redirect what success actually means financially now. Granted, I get it. It's, you know, being able to pay your bills, which in restaurants is really hard to do.

[00:39:49] And this is not something that we solely as an industry are going to be able. To solve like we're going to need society who helps pay for our services to be on board, but we can't necessarily expect society to get on board if we're not on board. So it's going to have to start with us first and us laying the groundwork of how we want to be seen and to be valued.

[00:40:12] And we can't rely on other people to do it for us. And we can't rely on it happening without us one way or another. It's got to start with us. And we're going to have to do the work and hope that in the end, we do get where we want to go. Because to some extent there is going to be a bit of chance and luck to it.

[00:40:36] Because again, life is chaos and it's not all in our control. So as we go through this process of trying to create change in our industry, I have spent a lot of time trying to think about, okay, well, what does that actually mean? How are we going to accomplish that? What's a simple, tangible way to give everyone something to work towards and to help others grow towards.

[00:41:03] And so I was reflecting on life and how I thought I could best explain this goal and I was really taken back to a lesson that I learned growing up Lakota and in that culture, I was raised that there are four virtues. In relation to the medicine wheel that we are all to work towards in our lifetime to accomplish a complete and balanced life.

[00:41:38] And so I wanted to talk about sort of the four virtues that I think it's going to take us focused on and working towards and developing skills for to accomplish real change. Those, for me, are empathy, diverse perspectives, boldness, and ingenuity. Let's start with empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

[00:42:11] I don't think we can accomplish any change if we don't start with empathy. Now, granted, we work in hospitality. That means we already, to an extent, have to have a certain level of emotional intelligence and ability to empathize with other people so we know how to best serve them. The issue to me isn't that we need to learn empathy.

[00:42:35] It's just that we need to learn that it's okay to provide empathy. to ourselves and to our peers. I was also taught in Lakota culture that you're usually born with one of these virtues and that the other three you spend your life trying to develop. So to me, empathy is the one we have. It's our starting point.

[00:42:58] It's our strength and our superpower. If we already have empathy, the rest should come with time, but they will take work. Now, to me, this next one is obvious and personally easy, but I know for a lot of our society, Then, unfortunately, it's still a challenge and that's being open to diverse perspectives.

[00:43:28] To me, this means the inclusion of people from a wide range of backgrounds and orientations. We are never going to reach our true potential in this industry if we are not working together and pulling opinions and ideas and proven successful tactics from diverse perspectives. Whether it's just because of a different lifestyle you grew up with or the culture you grew up in, all those things allow us different experiences and we are stronger when we listen to each other and we take the strengths that have already been proven and the approaches that we know could work and start from there rather than ignoring and ignoring.

[00:44:14] And not opening ourselves up to hearing lots of different experiences and having to start from scratch with everything. So, we have empathy, which I believe we already have, and diverse perspectives, which we can have at any second. So, I encourage you to do... So some self reflection, if you currently don't have a lot of people from diverse perspectives around you, why is that?

[00:44:41] Is that a limitation that you've created for yourself or something that your employment situation has created? Why do people feel uncomfortable having diverse perspectives around? And I mean, really go to the root of these things, right? And this is going to be a [00:45:00] tough journey. No self discovery is easy.

[00:45:04] You have to face things that a lot of us probably want to forget or never really realized were bad at the time, but then upon self reflection realize that like, maybe it did some damage to us. But you got to do the work, and you got to figure out what your fear is, and why you are holding yourself back from letting different people into your life.

[00:45:26] Because I promise you all they are going to do is fill your cup and not empty it. So I encourage you to kind of go find a peaceful place and really sit with it and be honest with yourself. This leads me to my next one, which is boldness. It's the willingness to take risks and to be courageous. We aren't going to make change if we aren't being bold and being bold is a scary thing to do to see people being bold is intimidating, but we absolutely need to find it within ourselves to go into the places that were not comfortable.

[00:46:08] So that way we can get what we want, right? I always kind of tell people that for me, at least there's usually what I want to accomplish and the way I want to accomplish it. And at the end of the day, more times than not, I'll choose making what I want happen, happen. Always over the way I want it to happen, because at the end of the day, this world is chaos, life is chaos, you can plan and try all you want, and then shit is still going to happen and go wrong, and so at some point you just have to be comfortable with a natural level of chaos.

[00:46:46] Some people call it God, right? That there is a bigger power out of our control. Some call it karma. You know, you have some, you get back what you put in, whatever your version of it is, try to find that inner peace for yourself. So that way, when you are outside your comfort zone, you can just ride the wave and accomplish what you need to accomplish for the end goal, rather than Living with what you got just because you're scared of how to get there and or you can't get there the way you want to get there.

[00:47:21] We're going to have to be bold as a community to change the system. This system has been in place for over a hundred years, okay? It is not going to change overnight. It is not going to go willingly. It's going to take intention and teamwork and a lot of will to get us where we want to go. And so that brings me to my fourth one, ingenuity, the quality of being clever, original, and inventive.

[00:47:54] We can't just say we want something a certain way and then be so rigid about it until it happens. It's not something we can just snap our fingers or stomp our feet or whatever it is. And just it will appear, it will be right. It is going to take a lot of creative thought and a lot of intuition and originality to get us where we want to go.

[00:48:20] And we will maybe make some progress on one virtue and then another, and then go back to the first and then a little bit more in another. And it could be a little bit messy for a while, that's life, but I really truly believe that if we hone in on these four things: empathy, diverse perspectives, boldness, and ingenuity, we're going to be able to accomplish a complete and balanced way of doing business, a way of living, and an industry that is actually hospitable to everyone involved in the process.

Closing

[00:49:00] In our industry, a lot of times people talk about the golden rule and that is something that was taught to me in a lot of places I worked right in orientation. Don't forget the golden rule, but the golden approach is about that fully well rounded hospitable feeling to all. That complete and balanced variation of it that I really believe is possible.

Music fades in…

[00:49:28] Thank you for listening to another episode of the golden approach podcast. If you enjoyed listening, I would super appreciate it. If you would share us with a friend or maybe give us a follow, that's cool too. And if you want to hang out with us some more, follow on Instagram @goldenapproachpod, or check out our website, goldenapproachpodcast.com

[00:49:50] for more details such as transcripts and reference links from today's episode. Until next time though, remember, everything's going to be just fine.