Living Recovered with McCord Henry
EP 203: McCord Henry
Hospitality Professional, Founder of Living Recovered and Scripted Wit
McCord shares his story as a hospitality professional and recovered alcoholic with highs in lows across the country. From Santa Barbra to Seattle on the West Coast and North Carolina to New York on the East Coast, this truly is a journey of finding oneself, and all of the good, bad, and ugly that comes along with it.
EPISODE OUTLINE
[00:02:33] Getting to Know McCord
[00:14:48] Supporting Recovery
[00:19:14] Everyone’s Addiction is Different
[00:29:13] Lessons in Growing In Your Career
[00:39:48] Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
[00:50:47] What is Living Recovered?
[00:56:42] How Did Scripted Wit Come to Be?
[01:10:31] Rapid Fire Q&A
RESOURCES
Where to Find Us:
Mentioned in the Episode:
Worth How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life by Jamie Kern Lima
TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Aubrey: Today is the day. It's finally Ko-fi time, guys. I am so excited for us to finally have a place to gather and connect. And I know I'm showing my age, but we're basically bringing Tumblr back, which I selfishly believe was the best social media to date. So we have put a lot of work and heart into creating articles and photo collections, short stories, and more, that all build off the intention of the show to use story sharing as a way to create curiosity and kindness, because when we know better, we do better. So head to the show notes, the link in bio on Instagram or the website to join now, because you can only join until October 14th. This is also the lowest price we'll ever offer to subscribe and joining now will actually lock in that price forever. So please head to the show notes and I will see you in Ko-fi very soon.
Music fades in…
[00:00:51] Aubrey: Hi, Sunshine, and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Aubrey, a hopeful romantic who's always loved getting to know others and learning what I don't know. Here I chat
[00:01:00] Aubrey: with kindhearted humans and insightful professionals sharing their stories to learn from each other's experiences in hope of going beyond the golden rule and collectively building a more kind and curious world for all, this is the Golden Approach. I'm so grateful you're here.
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[00:01:12] Aubrey: I'm joined today by McCord Henry, world traveling trainer for Forbes travel guide, marathon runner, living recovered and passionate creator of Scripted Wit. I'm grateful to call him my friend and I can't wait for you to know him too. We discussed his life journey thus far as an addict and recovered alcoholic. Then all the ways he's translated those life lessons into building a fulfilling life for himself. McCord was incredibly open and gifted so many good nuggets in this episode that I just couldn't bear not sharing them with you. And since there won't be a bonus episode next week, hopefully this is enough to hold you over till we hang out again. So without further ado, let's get to the good stuff.
Music fades out…
[00:01:58] McCord: I remember when you started this you like, it
[00:02:00] McCord: reached out to me like two and a half years ago. Isn't that right? And you were like, I'm thinking about doing a podcast or something. And I was like, Oh yeah, let me know when. And now we're here. So congratulations on making it, making it here and making it this far.
[00:02:10] Aubrey: Thank you. Actually, it has definitely been quite the journey. I, I mean, I feel like this should be going so much faster than it is, but it's been the right pace in the right way. So we are going to start where we always start which is an opportunity for you to introduce yourself to the listeners who probably don't know you. So, just give us a quick little rundown.
Getting to Know McCord
[00:02:33] McCord: My name is McCord Henry. I am a recovered alcoholic. I am living recovered. I am a dreamer, a quoter, a writer, and a hospitality professional, and many other things.
[00:02:48] Aubrey: Let's set the stage because we have known each other for quite a minute. Seven years. I don't know where they went. Can you please paint the picture, cause you had just moved to Baltimore. I'm obviously from here, was
[00:03:00] Aubrey: here, had joined Pendry just briefly before you did, and that's where we met. So how did you even hear about it? Why did you choose Baltimore? Give us some insight.
[00:03:09] McCord: So I'll try and do my best to condense this because it is a very long story my, my ending in Baltimore. So, I started my career in hospitality when I was 25. I had always worked in hospitality since I was a little kid. Like my first job was a host at a fine dining restaurant when I was 15. Worked through high school in restaurants, was a cook, a dishwasher. College, I always served, bartended, bar backed, and then even after college I worked as an inside sales analyst for a shipping company. So hospitality was always like my background and always just felt comfortable to me. I'm from Charlotte, North Carolina. I went to College of Charleston, met a boy, fell in love when I graduated and ended up moving back to Charleston to be with him. And that relationship and my job together and the existence of living in Charleston, which I
[00:04:00] McCord: love dearly and I'm grateful for all of this, um, led to a relationship with alcohol that was extremely unhealthy. I was always a lush in college and I never really started drinking until I was like a senior in high school. And when I did, I had a good relationship with it. I'd like to drink a lot, but I also put it down and walk away. And then I graduated college, moved back to Charleston, and somewhere along that journey, when I was back in Charleston, my relationship to alcohol just changed. And it went from a social drinker, drinking with friends, to slowly and steadily, it became something more. I thought a change of scenery would fix that problem. So, I've always been a creative and in college, I was a film studies minor, so I decided to pursue this dream of working in casting. So moved to Los Angeles, and slight tidbit of information and advice: if you have a small drinking problem, don't move to Los Angeles and become a bartender. Ended up, not obviously helping.
[00:05:00] McCord: So within nine months I had blown through about $18,000 and I was just a mess of a person. I ended up going to a wedding in Atlanta, Georgia, my cousin's wedding. And throughout that weekend, my family realized that I had a very intense problem with alcohol, so they had an intervention with me. That led to a 28 day stint in rehab in Maryland, which led to a nine month stay at a sober living house in Dallas, Texas. Now, the sober living house in Dallas was very religious based, and I made it very clear going into it that I'm gay and that I'm not interested in changing that and they were all accepting, and everything was fine. The focus was my addiction, which, slowly over my nine month stay there, that changed. Within about two months, they started bringing up, homosexuality was a sin. They introduced me to a reformed homosexual that was now straight and living the, you know, righteous path.
[00:06:00] McCord: And by the end of it, the entire focus of my reason for being there was my sexuality and not my addiction. I even remember I had a graduation ceremony where I had to go and present to these, you know, 12 cis white men, and they're all telling me essentially that homosexuality is a sin, Jesus doesn't believe in it, and by the end of the session, alcohol wasn't mentioned a single time. Though, one of the rules is you had to get a job. So I started working as a server at this restaurant called Eureka. It was a brown bar, so they focused on, burgers and craft beer and craft whiskey. And it was great. I loved the concept of the brand and while I was there that's when I was like I should do this, you know. So, I it was the first time I'd ever looked at hospitality not just as a job but as a career so I went up for a promotion for a manager. They immediately were excited about it and put me on the path to management. And by the end of like a month offered me a position at the Dallas store or Seattle.
[00:07:00] McCord: So I wanted to get out of Dallas so quickly. So I accepted the Seattle position, moved there and within a month I was drinking again. So my first time I got sober, I was sober for about nine months. That entire, I fought the role and label of alcoholic so hard. Like I, I pushed back on it. I refused to accept it. I think because it took me so long to accept the fact that I was a homosexual, having another label on top of that, that could have been deemed as like a negative from some people, was just something I was not interested in at that time. So I pushed back so hard. I emphatically told everybody, you can be addicted to a substance without being an addict. That was like my byline. I was like, I just was depressed. I found solace in a bottle. I drank too much, my body got addicted to it, and now I'm fine. So, I started drinking again about a month after I moved to Seattle, and I was a functioning alcoholic for a year, and then I was not. Got a DUI, started drinking before work and slowly my life started to deteriorate. My
[00:08:00] McCord: performance at work started suffering. They ended up giving me a transfer to Santa Barbara because of my previous good experience. And I had a little bit of accountability in Seattle. I had a roommate who I love and I'm still friends with, and I had a boss that was my mentor and. So I had all these people in my life that kind of held me to a certain standard and didn't let me get too far down. And then when I moved to Santa Barbara, I had none. And it was just a free for all. So for about three months, I was drunk, everyday. My body, again, for the second time in my life, became fully addicted to alcohol, so I could not function normally without it. I would wake up in the morning, finish half a bottle of wine, throw up half of it. And then finish another glass or two, just so I could eat. My hands would consistently shake all the time. Looking back on that time, it was very dark. And I just, it's hard. I actually went back to Santa Barbara, a couple of months ago for the first time and it was kind of…
[00:09:00] McCord: triggering is the wrong word. It was just heavy the whole time. I was just in this place where I had been a shell of the person that I once was, and I didn't know where I was going or what I wanted from life. All I knew is that this was not it. So it got really bad. I started showing up to work drunk. I fell asleep in the office. They had a photo of me, apparently, which I refused to look at, where I was just like asleep on the floor in the office and people were trying to get in. And my boss this sweet sweet man named John who I still talk to had 17 years of sobriety and he knew what was going on so, and he was legally bound, you know, there's a lot of restrictions when it comes to addiction and alcoholics because we are a protected class. So, he wasn't sure what he could say, but he said of one or two things that stuck with me and long story short, long story long, the next day I quit. I had no idea what I was gonna do, but I just knew that I literally couldn't show up to work. So after that I went on a bender for about
[00:10:00] McCord: a week. I don't know what really happened during that week I just remember the delirium, tremors, I don't know if you've ever heard of that term. There's actually a beer called Delirium tremors.
[00:10:09] Aubrey: I've heard of it, but could you, if you're willing to give like some context.
[00:10:13] McCord: Of course delirium tremors are hallucinations that you get when you are severely addicted enough to alcohol. Alcohol and heroin are the only two drugs that you, can die from if you don't detox in a healthy way, and I was at the point in my journey with addiction where my body needed it to survive. So when you stop drinking as it's, coming out of your system, you start to hallucinate and see things. And I look back at my existence at this hole in the wall in Santa Barbara, and I was sleeping on a mattress on the ground. All of my clothes were scattered all over the floor and there were just like empty bottles of wine, vodka, mini bottles, everything you could think of just around and I had vomit on the floor. And the only thing I can really reference to that I've ever seen, and I will never watch this movie again, just cause it, Disturbed
[00:11:00] McCord: me this one scene is have you seen black swan?
[00:11:02] Aubrey: Oh, yes.
[00:11:04] McCord: Natalie Portman's performance, Mila Kunis, all of it is so great, but there's a scene where she walks into her bedroom and her paintings start coming to life. Do you know what I'm talking about?
[00:11:16] Aubrey: So I did ballet for 17 years. So yeah, it was a must see kind of thing.
[00:11:20] McCord: The scene I'm talking about where she walks in and the painting starts speaking to her? That was delirium tremors for me. I don't know if anybody else has experienced it differently, but I remember waking up in the middle of the night and I looked at my pile of dirty clothes on the floor and it started speaking to me and it was horrifying. That was about halfway through this week long bender that's probably the only thing I actually remember from that time. And I woke up on April 3rd, 2017. at this point, no one really, my family wasn’t really speaking to me and I ended up calling my brother, Thomas, who lived in Baltimore at the time. And I knew that something had to change and that I was either going to Get
[00:12:00] McCord: sober or the other option was I was going to die. And I was at the point now where I was entertaining those thoughts. So I woke up on April 3rd, 2017. I went outside, was smoking a cigarette and called my brother. I could barely pull up his number on my phone cause my hands were shaking so bad. And at this point he was done everyone in my family was pretty much done with my excuses and where I was in life. So he was like, go to the ER, get yourself sorted out. Once you're better, you can come and live with me in Baltimore. There's a property that just opened up called Pendry. It's a nice hotel. Get back on your feet, come stay with me. So I did just that. I literally ordered an Uber, walked into the emergency room in Santa Barbara and just walked up to the front desk and told them, help, like help me, I am suffering from alcohol withdrawals and I need assistance. They immediately pulled me back, gave me medicine. And it turns out they have this amazing rehabilitation center in the hospital. So I stayed there for five days. Like I said earlier, alcohol is one of the drugs that if you don't detox in a healthy
[00:13:00] McCord: way, your body can shut down and, not come back. And I was at that point. So they kept me for under surveillance, got me back to a place where I would be able to function without alcohol. And for about a month after I left, I was on medication just to, keep myself balanced. And April 30th, I was done. I moved to Baltimore, and interviewed at the Pendry. They had no idea what my journey was. At that point I had a lot of shame around who I was at that time. Wanted to, you know, hide my identity. And so I didn't really tell anybody about what I'd been through, still was unsure about what my future even looked like at that point. And everybody in my family all my friends you know, people close to me emphatically were against the idea of me going back into the food and beverage industry, which as you know, it's free access to alcohol. Everyone thought that it was a bad move and that I would just be going back and being the same person again, but it's what I knew, it's what I was comfortable with, and I
[00:14:00] McCord: just kept putting one foot in front of the other. And that's how I started my career with Pendry and how I met your beautiful face.
[00:14:08] Aubrey: Thank you. I truly am so grateful that you're so open about your story, and that's one of the reasons why I really wanted to talk to you, honestly, McCord, because people don't talk about those things. As someone who's had family experience in multitudes of ways of addiction and the aftermath, you know, I'm, in a situation where three generations have been affected by addiction. And so it's very important. Two points from your story that I specifically do want to touch on is one you can clearly see the effect of support versus non support on how people's addictions journeys goes. And I feel for your family. It's a hard exhaustive journey for all involved.
Supporting Recovery
[00:14:48] McCord: I one 1000% agree with what you just said about the support system and when it comes to support and love
[00:15:00] McCord: there's a fine line between supporting someone and enabling them, right?
[00:15:04] Aubrey: I do think this is an important clarification.
[00:15:07] McCord: So I am so grateful that I was alone in Santa Barbara. I mentioned earlier about my accountability in Seattle and I had friends, I had a mentor, I had these people in my life that didn't allow me to get as bad as I did. And when I moved to Santa Barbara, I got that bad, you know, when it comes to support and love and enabling, you have to be careful, right? I'm so grateful that my family just let me go for a while, because had they not, had I not gotten as bad as I did and It was bad. Had I not gotten that bad, I don't know where I would be now. I might still be living, working in mid-level management and, you know, living in mediocrity. So I'm so grateful that essentially everyone in my life just got so fucking fed up with me that they were done because I had no option, but to
[00:16:00] McCord: get better or die. And, now, you know, I'm so vocal about my sobriety and everything online and in my life, because if I'm not vocal about it, I feel like I'm hiding something. It just reminds me of being an addict. So that is why I choose to live my life very openly and honestly about, essentially everything. But when I have friends and people now that reach out to me on social media, asking for assistance when it comes to loved ones that are struggling with addiction, my response is always be kind, Let them know that they're in their corner, but they're, does come a time that you need to just set the record straight and just let them go on their journey. Because at the end of the day, the only person that you can get sober for is yourself. So like the first time I got sober, from my family. I went to rehab. I wanted to be a better person. but at the end of the day, it didn't stick. The time it stuck was when I made the decision for myself. So it's important that when you have someone in your life that is struggling with something just give them love and give them like support in a way that's not
[00:17:00] McCord: enabling and sometimes that support has to be letting go.
[00:17:03] Aubrey: I really appreciate you saying all that because again, we can all agree support is necessary, but the definition of what support means changes from person to person. And it does need to be from the context of, like, what's actually going to help that person get where they need to go. And not strictly, A, what I think that means, and then, B, what I would want. And I think that's just a general lesson in empathy and emotional intelligence for people.
[00:17:31] McCord: For me, when I got sober, they were in my corner in a way that was who you are right now is not someone we want to be around. We don't want this person in our lives because it's not healthy. It's chaotic. All I was, was a taker at that point. Me knowing that my family wanted the best for me and that they loved me and I had a safe place to go when I got better was what I needed. And that was the support that got me
[00:18:00] McCord: better. Because they were not done with me as a human, they were done with the current human I was. And so they cut me off in a way that was kind, but firm. I was able to get bad enough, but know that I had a place to land. So because of that, I will be forever grateful for them. So it's… there's a fine line between being the support and the cushion and the safe, loving home for when someone does get better versus allowing someone to be bad while they're in their home, if that makes sense. So it's just it's something that you have to constantly monitor and it's a very tough position to be in and I'm just so grateful that I was removed and in Santa Barbara, literally on the other side of the country, that I was able to be in that position where I was able to get that bad, so I was able to wake up.
[00:18:48] Aubrey: Yeah, because it's not my story to tell, so I'm trying to be really, respectful to those around me who, I've seen firsthand, but having been on the other side, I can totally see that perspective. I can totally relate to us doing
[00:19:00] Aubrey: a similar thing of like trying to be supportive, finally reaching the breaking point, having to cut off. And that being what that person needed, and that person, like you said, had to hit rock bottom and do it for them. And that might mean different things to different people.
Everyone’s Addiction is Different
[00:19:14] McCord: It does and, when it comes to addiction, everyone's journey and addiction is completely different. So just cause something was true for me, doesn't mean it's necessarily anyone else's truth. So it's a very complicated thing to put blanket statements on, right? Like I have people come to me now and ask me about how to get sober. You know, I need to, I want to change my life. I want to be a different person. And I don't have an answer to that because what worked for me doesn't necessarily mean it will work for you, right? My advice, whenever anybody comes to me is, AA. Go to AA, sit in the meetings, there's a structure there that is very important to new addicts that are sober from whatever substance they were using that are learning to walk again. And I use that term new addicts because, addiction never goes
[00:20:00] McCord: away, right? Once you have this disease, it's not going away. I'm still an addict and that's never going to change. It's just how I channel it now, right? And it's, when I channeled it into alcohol, it almost killed me, but now I channel it into other things. Running, reading, bettering myself, work, and it's all a balance, right? In my case, now I look at it as a gift. I'm so grateful that I am an addict because it's, something that is driving me and my future and I think it's almost like a superpower, right? I'm super intense. I'm very focused and I have this insane drive that won't be satisfied, but it's all about what I feed it. And so if I'm feeding it into growth, into quotes, and into running it's making me a better person, but if I feed it alcohol, it's going to kill me. So it's all about how you look at it, but I think a lot of times as new addicts, people will shun this idea of this label because of our society and where we are, right? It's… even with
[00:21:00] McCord: Alcoholics Anonymous. I think Alcoholics Anonymous is such an important organization and I'm so grateful for my time in it, but I had to break away from it because of the anonymity aspect. I don't like hiding this. I don't like not talking about it. I need to be vocal about it and. It no longer served me so I changed and I started something else, but the more darkness we put on something the more power it has over us. Whereas if we just expose it talk about it, you said it yourself, you have generations of people in your life that have struggled with addiction I have people in my life in my family that have struggled with it as well. I obviously struggled with It's every person I've ever come in contact with has had someone in their life that has had a problem with addiction and I think we are doing a disservice to each other if we aren't speaking openly about it
[00:21:52] Aubrey: I mean, amen to that.
[00:21:54] McCord: Say it again for the people in the back, right?
[00:21:55] Aubrey: Yeah, exactly. And so that's why I'm just, I'm so damn grateful for you,
[00:22:00] Aubrey: Just yeah, that's what I got
[00:22:02] McCord: You had one other point. Sorry.
[00:22:03] Aubrey: The other point I just thought it was interesting and I don't really have a question about it just, it was something you said that was interesting to me about the carrying of multiple labels. And I think it is silly and unproductive and honestly petty to focus on things. What is my skin color? Like the things to me, it's like the, this or that, right? Am I someone who reaches out a hand or am I someone who takes something? Am I someone who is curious and asks questions or am I someone who shames others for asking questions? Those to me are deciding factors of who you are as a person. And so just your, the comment about the labels and not wanting to carry the labels. And just, I found that so interesting because there is something actually helpful, as you've told in your story, about owning those labels. But just because of how we treat labels and how we value certain labels it can be detrimental to how you see yourself
[00:23:00] Aubrey: unnecessarily. And I just thought it was interesting that you pointed that out and that that was such adeciding factor of your journey. Cause it's just something that like, I weirdly reflect on in my life on the regular,
[00:23:10] McCord: No, I'm glad you pointed that out actually, because when I think back on my journey with alcohol and my career, actually, there's like a specific moment. It was April 3rd, 2018. So April 3rd is my sobriety date from alcohol. April 3rd, 2018. I came out publicly on social media as an alcoholic. You know, it was something that I had. Fought for a really long time I fought this label, but I got so tired of the conversations and the questions about why i'm not drinking and you know It's funny and i've heard a lot of comedians go off on this, but people feel so uncomfortable when you aren't drinking. Why are you not drinking? Is it for like health reasons? Are you pregnant? Did you drink too much? And it's all these like labels and conversation. And I think because you're not drinking, you're putting a spotlight on people who are, and it
[00:24:00] McCord: makes them feel uncomfortable when I love alcohol. Like if I could drink it, I would, I just can't. Cause I can't stop drinking when I do. but my point of saying this is I remember specifically sitting at the Garde Manger stand in Rec Pier Chop house and writing out my post. It was my first time ever coming out publicly. And the picture was just my app that, counts my sobriety days. And in it, I talked about, I'm tired of the shame around this label this is who I am. And I remember the one phrase that I used was I want to own my truth. This is not something that I'm going to let define me. I'm going to use it and I'm going to define it. This is not something that is going to have power over me. I had it for 10 years. I was fucking done. I'm done with this label, I'm done with the obsession of alcohol that I'm going to own it. So I'm going to take it back and I'm going to label it. And it was a very profound moment. that was when everything changed, it was when I got my drive back. It was
[00:25:00] McCord: when I realized that this was not something that's going to run my life, but I'm going to use it for my future. And I think that approach was when I rejected the anonymity aspect of, alcoholism. This is the moment where I'm going to move forward and use this to better me versus allowing it to define who I am. I'm gay, I'm an alcoholic, I survived, let's move forward, let's go.
[00:25:26] Aubrey: Yeah. and I think that's an interesting transition, if you don't mind me asking, since you're so open about being gay, and that is part of, your full authentic self, and I respect that so greatly and I think that's another way that you really own that truth. And you know, I'm not gay and I am not an alcoholic. And yet I relate to this so much because I feel like, as a woman from, multiple different cultural backgrounds who doesn't really understand what to claim, what not to claim, what I'm allowed to claim, what I'm allowed to say, whatever it is, and it's just
[00:26:00] Aubrey: like, no, dude. I'm getting too lost in the sauce of opinions right now. What is the truth that I have literally lived and can own and then I can use that information to then process and heal and grow and implement or do whatever it is with it. But like, I am breaking my brain and short circuiting because I am so busy trying to process all the different definitions of what everybody tells me is an acceptable variation of whatever. like, we're all doing it in our own way, but we can feel the same feelings for different reasons and we can help each other heal.
[00:26:41] McCord: You know, we all have labels that have identified us that we struggle with to accept and, you know, fuck it, right? Oscar Wilde said, "be yourself. Everyone else is already taken" that's it. And I think it's just, it's one of my favorite quotes because it took me such a long time to be myself. I didn't come out of the closet until I was
[00:27:00] McCord: 19 when I met my first boyfriend as my first gay experience, and accepting that took another four years, it's something I still have like knee jerk reactions that are just ingrained in me where i'm like oh, I don't know if i'm allowed to go to these places because I'm a gay and that coupled with the label of an alcoholic it all became so unbearable that I just was like I don't know who to be. And I had so much shame around who I was that I in that moment, April 3rd, 2018 was when I was like, fuck it, I'm going to be me. And if that's not something that you aren't interested in, move on.
[00:27:36] Aubrey: Yeah, a hundred percent.
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[00:27:38] Aubrey: Maybe you've noticed, there's no commercials on this show, and that's because, currently, we don't have sponsors. And while maybe, I don't know, someday that's going to happen, for now, this show is totally funded by yours truly, and thankfully, the incredible support of you, the listener. So if you like the show and want to make sure it continues to exist and grow, we would [00:28:00] super appreciate your support. Just go check out our merch link in the show notes. And, in case you didn't know, every person we interview gets to choose a cause of choice. We then create a custom episode merch piece and donate five dollars for every piece sold, and I would say that's a real win-win. So head to the show notes and check out all this season's custom merch. Thank you so much, we couldn't do this without you.
Music fades out…
[00:28:26] Aubrey: And so it's interesting because when I met you, at the Pendry and I was just like a lowly little pastry cook, I have like clear memories of standing in a menu meeting with you. And I didn't know very much context of your backstory at that point, cause you had just moved to Baltimore. You're still processing all these things. To me, you were just like a smart, fun, high-energy, like really focused, intentional individual. Who I, as a pastry cook was like, oh I can rely on this person. He can actually sell stuff and will sell stuff and not give me crap excuses.
[00:28:59] McCord: I did
[00:29:00] McCord: sell the crap out of some desserts.
[00:29:02] Aubrey: Yeah, exactly. While I had other servers who were like, oh, I'm not even going to be bothered. Why would I bother with a dessert when I can sell a $50 steak? I don't care about you. And here you were, you're like, I'm going to sell everything.
Lessons in Growing In Your Career
[00:29:13] McCord: Monica, who you actually had on the show recently, she said something and it stuck with me she said in one of our prechats one time about how dessert is the closing to a meal and you cannot properly evaluate a restaurant experience without having it. And I literally was like, yes. It was only like, 12, 14 extra dollars at the end of the shift, but it added to every single check and she was right. Like it was, they closed the meal, the culinary aspect. It was the final ending and. I, we can have a whole nother podcast on desserts and chocolate and, and all of that.
[00:29:46] Aubrey: Game on and it's so hard to have self control and not go on this separate tangent. But while we're on it need to say that I think that's the biggest misunderstanding of pastry is everyone's always just like, it's about the money and that's piddly
[00:30:00] Aubrey: money and I'm not wasting my time on this thing and people don't want it and they're full and blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, you are in control. You are the maestro of this experience for these guests, and you should be intentional.
[00:30:11] McCord: Experience is a key word, by the way. It's an experience, right? That's what dining is. And that's why I think regardless of where we go in society, even with AI and everything, we will never not have servers. We will never not have guides and maestros, as you're saying, throughout the dining experience.
[00:30:27] Aubrey: Yeah, so anyway, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and keep myself under control. But anyway, thank you for saying that.
[00:30:33] McCord: I have to just highlight the Noche sundae for one second. I still think about that dessert.
[00:30:38] Aubrey: Well, you did tell me you're a chocolate hazelnut guy. So I'm not surprised.
[00:30:42] McCord: Anyways.
[00:30:43] Aubrey: That was such a distinctive moment in my career at the Pendry. I'm just very grateful for all it brought me in my life.
[00:30:49] McCord: Oh my gosh, I look back on that first, first two years, honestly, and the camaraderie. And it was one of my, one of my favorite experiences in my career, honestly, and even just my
[00:31:00] McCord: role as a server there. I value that time so much and honestly miss it. I'm grateful for my career and where it's panned out, but serving was the best job. The thing I love about it. hospitality in general, but specifically to food and beverage, is you know people, right? You know who they are. Like you saw me and I saw you and that's why we are still friends after seven years. Because you go through trenches, you go through wars and you can't hide who you are in those moments, right?
[00:31:29] Aubrey: 100% and so, let's just give a little context as to, you were a server at the Pendry, that really was a defining moment for you from like, I'm just having jobs and chaos to doing something with intention and trying to choose a path. And so can you give us just a little rundown of what that journey was like, the choices you made? Um, mainly I'm just trying to get some memorable moments and some brief lessons learned as to like, how you got from point A to where you are now.
[00:31:59] McCord: Yeah, absolutely. I
[00:32:00] McCord: always discussed my first year of sobriety as the gray year. When you are addicted to something and reliant on something for so long like I was, and when it's removed, whether it's a relationship, whether it's, a substance, you have to relearn your life without it. So my first year of sobriety was great because I was relearning everything. And my drive came back and it came back in full force. I went from zero to 60 within two seconds and everything was so intense. I was dating a guy at the time and I just Squashed him, I turned into like a 12 year old school girl and just like, you know, fell head over heels taylor swift in love with him and he ended up ghosting me after four months. Anyways long story short, I was manic and intense and all over the place. And one of my dear friends, Caroline actually sent me this book called Heart Talks, by Cleo Wade, and, she sent it to me because we were about to no
[00:33:00] McCord: longer be best friends, I think. I would just call her and shit down my life, and then get off the phone, and I was not a good friend at that point. And she saw how intense I was, and gave me this book, and it slowly started me on my growth journey. I read a passage every day and that kind of changed everything. I learned how to love myself so I could love others. And I took that and applied it to all aspects of my life. So over the next four years at Pendry Baltimore, I grew from server to server captain, to supervisor, to assistant food and beverage manager and food and beverage manager. and I'm so grateful for my time at Pendry because I got hired, a month after it opened. It was the second Pendry ever, and because of the timing and everything, I got to grow quickly within that property, and then I became a member of task force, so I got to see other properties and help open them, and I made it very clear that I wanted to grow outside of Baltimore, so actually the owner of Pendry was in town and didn't really know who I was. I think I'd met him
[00:34:00] McCord: once. Uh, Michael Firstman was the founder and I remember he was walking through the lobby and I was a food and beverage manager, New York was coming online in July, and this was like December. And I just went straight up to him and made my case, right? I told him my whole story and his next comment was where do you want to go? And I responded, you tell me. And then brought up New York and mentioned he thinks that everyone should spend time living in New York at some point and we just had this amazing conversation and I remember he looked at me and just goes, let me see what I can do and so I was like, well I think you might know a few people. So one thing I will say is no one's going to hand you anything right no matter how hard you work, no matter how diligent you show up. And I showed up every day. I think I called out sick once in the seven years I was at Pendry, maybe twice. And I, I worked my ass off while I was there, but no one is just going to give you the next position. You have to go out and you have to ask for it. You have to
[00:35:00] McCord: demand it.
[00:35:01] Aubrey: That's exactly where I learned that lesson the hardest.
[00:35:03] McCord: I had, you know, different leaders, one in particular comes to mind that made a lot of promises but nothing ever showed for it. And I was like, you know what? No, one's going to give you this. You have to ask for it. So I went for it and I'm just very grateful that I spoke up because had I not, I don't know. I don't know if the transition would have happened. So moved here and opened New York. I was there for about two and a half years, got promoted from assistant food and beverage director to director of food and beverage outlets, and then kind of hit a wall with my growth, I was ready to move to a larger role within the whole company and the role that I was looking for didn't exist yet, and at that point I had already started the conversation with Forbes Travel Guide which is you know, the authority on luxury. And I had an offer and I took it and I'm grateful for it. And I'm no longer in the operation, which I do miss. I miss the camaraderie
[00:36:00] McCord: and working the trenches together, but now I am a trainer So I go around and get to spread my passion for hospitality and I teach leadership sessions as well and I get to talk about how to be an effective leader and how to manage a team and it's just a different role that I wasn't expecting but I'm grateful for and, again, it would not have happened had I just not gone out and asked for it. And not even just asked for it but demanded it.
[00:36:26] Aubrey: And I think this brings us to a really good opportunity to bring up the conversation that I really wanted to touch on with you on self confidence versus self worth. Because without hashing into too much detail, because it's about you and not me, but for context, working at the Pendry I had actually tried to leave pastry, I knew I wanted to be more part of like overall hotel operations,And so I had applied for the social media marketing job at the hotel, and in the end, the director of sales and marketing
[00:37:00] Aubrey: came and told me that I wasn't being chosen. And, things like they didn't think I was ready. they wanted to bring in someone with more experience And it was of course disappointing, but so be it, that's life, but I had learned later a rumor I, to this day, still don't know if this is true. It's not important if it is or it isn't. but had heard something about, people trying to keep me where I was because I was basically more valuable to the company in my current role, which is totally possible. So who knows? But, so anyway, that's the reason I ended up leaving And then, the pastry chef position opened up at the hotel and they had reached out to me to come back and I remember sitting in the interview saying, I'm interested in coming back. I'm so invested in the Pendry brand. I totally believe in what you're trying to do, however, I don't want to be a pastry chef forever, and I want to be so upfront about that. Like I'll put in the work for the next like one to two years But when the opportunity presents itself, I'm going to make moves to try and do something else. And I just don't want you to be shocked when that day comes. And I thought I was being like really professional and honest And it
[00:38:00] Aubrey: just ended up snowballing into this conversation with that person about, you're very naive. You're so young like Be more accepting of the journey and stop demanding things, basically, and I was just like, I feel like there is merit in what you are saying to an extent. But there is also something to be said when someone is coming to you and all but begging you to let them like work their asses off to build your company and want to be with you forever. And you're telling them like, this is not the energy that we're looking for. And so anyway, for years, that, that kind of experience over and over again, really messed with me. And it wasn't until literally six months ago, I was actually listening to a poscastand this lady was on, she had written a book about self confidence versus self worth. And she was like, you can have so much self confidence. You can get out there, you can sell yourself, you can make moves and grow in your career. But your self worth is your ceiling. You're only going to make it as far as you believe you're worthy
[00:39:00] Aubrey: of making it. And I had never heard of anyone separating out these concepts before. To me, they were one in the same. So I realized now reflecting back that I had a lot of self confidence, but I did not have a lot of self worth and I did not properly communicate what I had to offer because I didn't really believe or know what I actually had to offer. I just knew I was a hard worker. And to me, that was so natural for you, but you know, listening to you speak now, hearing that growth. over time and taking the pieces that people have offered you and reflecting on those things. I'm just curious to hear you share like what you truly think those two things mean and like how they've maybe influenced the choices that you've made and the paths that you're laying down for yourself.
Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation
[00:39:48] McCord: First of all, great question. And I think they're both positives, right? Self-confidence and self-worth, great things to have. Actually, Cleo Wade, one of her, quotes comes to mind and it's "know
[00:40:00] McCord: the value of knowing your value", right? and I think that starts with us defining what our value is and not accepting anything less than that, right? And so when it comes to like my career, I've done a lot of things well, I've done a lot of things poorly as well, but one thing I've done well is knowing that I'm not going to accept or settle for less, right? So, every position that I've accepted and every, next level that I've gotten to and I'm hoping that I'm not hoping I know that is going to continue, I go into it immediately with the next step in mind because self-confidence is the continued growth. This is what I want in life. I'm going to go into it. I'm going to show what I can do well, whereas the self-worth is what grounds me. No one can take that away from me. Self-worth is what I'm left with at the end of the day by myself. It's this idea of me knowing who I am, knowing my purpose and my goal is to leave every area I occupy better than I found
[00:41:00] McCord: it. Whether it's at the gym, at work, wherever it is in life, that's who I am as a person. And I know that at the end of the day, I am grateful for everything that I've gone through. Like, I teach leadership sessions now on intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, right? Extrinsic motivation is our motivational factors that are coming from the outside, right? So we're motivated by money, title, status in life, apartment, where we live, all these different things can be a motivational factor, right? And then intrinsic is the motivation that we get within ourselves. So for me, self confidence is going to be more of the extrinsic motivation factor. Like we have all these labels and these different things in society that are telling us we're on the right path. Andself worth is the intrinsic motivation, right? It's what we have inside. Are we doing things that make us feel good about ourselves? Are we doing work that we're proud of, right? It can be a job as a server. It can be a job as a dishwasher. But are you going into this
[00:42:00] McCord: with pride? And that is a big difference for me. It's all about how we define ourselves and how we think about what we're contributing to society. I think both can be used effectively and for your own growth. But I know that at the end of the day, I've gotten to a good place about not letting others define me. And that's something that I still struggle with every single day, especially when it comes to dating in New York, but, Cicely Tyson said, "I've learned not to allow rejection to move me". And I love that quote because we are an island. We are ourselves. And at the end of the day, we are the ones that have to wake up in the morning to ourselves and also go to bed to ourselves at night. And if we don't have worth, and we don't know what value we bring, then what are we doing?
[00:42:47] Aubrey: Yeah
[00:42:48] McCord: I have no idea if I answered your question at all, but there's a whole passage on this quote called the man in the mirror, right? Like can you look yourself in the eye and be happy with that person? And that's something that I'm getting to a good place with. it's a constant process, but the important thing is
[00:43:00] McCord: that we struggle with it, That we're asking the questions we're trying to grow. We're trying to learn from each other and from ourselves and not make the same mistakes over and over again.
[00:43:10] Aubrey: A hundred percent. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. And I'm not trying to compare this to, recovery and all of that, however…
[00:43:14] McCord: please compare. First of all, it's all relative at the end of the day, right? We all have different things that we struggle with and it's all equally important to us, because we're the ones that went through it. So, compare away.
[00:43:24] Aubrey: I appreciate that. I guess what I mean is, it's harder to define, because it doesn't have as, like, set a name. I think when you're just, like, a person who's had some life experience that just finally hit you like a brick wall, and, that's your moment, that fork in the road. But the point is when you're at that fork and you make the choice that this is a defining moment that you are making real change. Even if you don't know the answers, even if you don't know what the path looks like or what the intention is or what. You just know it needs to be different, So anyway, I agree with everything you're saying of like, you do
[00:44:00] Aubrey: have to, at some point, be comfortable with yourself first. Whether it's dating, work, whatever it is, you're never gonna build those relationships with other people if you haven't done that, internal peace work. And I think that was the biggest issue I had in my whole career, is that, I was working on the outside one, but I was never working on the inside one. And it just forced such a disconnection and a wedge in between my ability to, really connect with the people I needed to connect with and do the growth that I wanted to do. And so since you teach leadership and you teach connection, I was just curious to talk to you about those things.
[00:44:33] McCord: And look for me, they do go hand in hand, right? I think self confidence is the aftermath of the self worth, right? You have to know your worth and be comfortable in that, and then everything else just kind of follows. But that's something that I still struggle with to this day. Like, I was hiking in Norway, which is insane to say out loud, I was with a friend, my good friend, Lily, who you know from Pendry. We went and saw Taylor Swift in Hamburg, and
[00:45:00] McCord: then went to Oslo together. And then she left and I went to the other side of the coast and to this amazing epic hike. And I'm walking up the hill after I'm done. I'm about to leave the place I'd been there for like 36 hours. And I'm having this like moment where I'm doubting everything. You know, it happens to all of us. We always have doubts. and I'm literally asking myself, like, what am I doing? Like it is all the time I spent on Scripted Wit, Living Recovered. Is any of this worth it? And where am I at with my career? And I stop and ask literally asked myself, what is my purpose? And I turn and I look at this horizon and it's stunning. And. A bug flies into my face, like right into my eye. And I swipe it out of my eye and I kept going. And I know this sounds crazy, right? But I took it as a sign, I had not had a bug in my face. in the 36 hours I've been there. I stop, I ask myself, what is my purpose here? I look at the horizon, a bug flies
[00:46:00] McCord: into my face and forces me to keep going, Just keep going. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep working hard. Keep putting the time into Scripted Wit, into your meditation, and your growth. You're going to make mistakes. You're maybe not going to make the right decision, especially when it comes to the career and dating and all of it, but I am doing good work and I'm going to continue doing it. And I literally just started crying because I think we, sometimes, ask for signs and I think they come in ways that we are not expecting like a bug flying in your face and I was like, all right, we're going to take that as a sign. And I'm going to keep going. And not allow others to define my own worth. And I think I get frustrated with,others and where I am in life and letting other people define that, whether it's Instagram or career wise or whatever. And I just try and go back to that quote from Cicely Tyson. "Don't allow others rejection to define who we are. We have to define it for ourselves".
[00:46:53] Aubrey: Yeah, I agree completely. And so interesting you bring up Instagram because again, you're so open online and I mean, you live
[00:47:00] Aubrey: such a cool life with all the travel. You also are just posting so much about you, like so much authentic content. And I'll be honest, I'm like, oh, I want to share this thing. And then I don't know, I get in my head about it and I'm like, but does it like lose its authenticity? Because now I've posted it on the internet and like I forced it. I don't know. And I just overthink the things and I manipulate them into these storylines and no one else is thinking about these things half as much as I'm thinking about them. So, yeah, I don't know. I'm with you. Like you just got to follow your gut. You got to follow the path.
[00:47:33] McCord: I debate about how much I post on social a lot. And if I'm posting too much or sharing too much or, whatever it is. But for me, it comes down to do I have something I want to say and do I want to share it? And if the answer to that is yes, then I go forward. If I'm trying to force something, you can feel it. If I'm trying to create content just to create content, I can feel that it's not authentic. So I do feel like I do a pretty good job of asking myself, is this worth saying Whether it's,
[00:48:00] McCord: me slipping and falling because it's funny, or something more profound like one of my morning meditations and I doubt myself all the time when I post things I'm sharing too much and at the end of the day, I try my best to be authentic and genuine. And my recommendation to you and to whoever is if you have something to say, say it. It's your social media account. We're following you because we want to know who you are, right? When I look at the same way with people who are following me, if they are interested in what I have to say, they can hear it. And if they're not, then that's fine and move forward. And I had, someone recently in my life talked to me about what I post and I could be off putting for, a future suitor or someone. And I, in my response to this person was if someone is put off by what I have to say online, then they're going to be put off by what I have to say in private, and that person is not meant for me.
[00:48:52] Aubrey: I think that's great advice.
[00:48:54] McCord: Yeah, and I think there is something to say about, what we talk about and how we talk about it and I could probably phrase things in different
[00:49:00] McCord: ways. But, Letitia who is our current Black Panther said in a podcast recently “What is meant for me shall not pass me by, and if it passes me by, it's not for me", And so you have to be careful with that, right? Because if you take it too literally, everything can pass you by, right? But for me, it's about, you guys still have to go out there and put yourself out there and make efforts, but if the answer is no, that's okay. And that just means it wasn't right for you, whether it's someone you're dating, whether it's a job, whether it's whatever. Continue making efforts, continue trying, continuing, put yourself out there. But if it doesn't work out, it just wasn't meant for you.
[00:49:32] Aubrey: Yeah, I think that ties really well to the self worth, self confidence thing. if you're not doing that work, then how do you know it's for you? You don't know.
[00:49:40] McCord: Like even with the career, no, one's going to give it to you. You have to go out there and put yourself out there and ask for it to demand it. But if it doesn't work out, that's not necessarily a reflection on you. It just means it wasn't a right fit and that's totally okay.
[00:49:52] Aubrey: Yeah. I couldn't agree more. And honestly, I'm grateful for every rejection I got because maybe I would have been a hotel manager. I have no idea, but I realize now
[00:50:00] Aubrey: I am so not meant to be that person. I'm not meant to live that life. Like, yes, I have fond memories but I'm meant to be where I am now. I'm meant to be doing the work I'm doing now.
[00:50:11] McCord: I had a leader once tell me that I had plateaued at where I was currently. And at the time it was jarring, right? And I was fuming. I was so mad. And now I, I look back on that interaction and I'm just nothing but grateful for this person, that I did not see eye to eye with, who I've not spoken to since, speaking truth to me. And. I've used it and used it as fuel and grateful for all of it.
[00:50:33] Aubrey: This brings us to the perfect way to tie everything into a bow because I want to share all the ways that you put yourself out there with Living Recovered and Scripted Wit, which we've brought up a few times. People may have already heard the name, but can you tell us more about those two projects?
What is Living Recovered?
[00:50:47] McCord: Let's talk about Living Recovered. Living recovered I started honestly as another option for sobriety, right? I talked to earlier about, everyone's journey and addiction is different, my
[00:51:00] McCord: addiction and the fact that I was. addicted to alcohol and couldn't survive without it was my truth. I've spoken to alcoholics that are, single mothers that have too many glasses of wine and that's their truth. So I think everyone's journey and addiction and how, what we define as an addict is subjective to that person. Everyone has a different relationship to whatever substance. There's not a monopoly on how to be a fuck up, right? There should not be a monopoly on sobriety as well. So when it came to what was working for me and sobriety, I did AA, I worked the 12 steps. I'm grateful for it. I think that structure at the beginning is so important. It gets people back on their feet, but I stopped identifying with it. I would go to these meetings and listen to everyone talk about how hard it was and for me, I could no longer live in a state of recovery, right? And that's where I just started looking at it differently. Like, I would go into these meetings and we would just live and dwell in this area of what
[00:52:00] McCord: we suffered through. And I think as humans, we should always be living in some sort of state of recovery. We should always be humble enough to admit our mistakes and grow. But when it came to alcohol specifically, I was not living in recovery anymore. I, I faced this demon that I had inside of me and I moved past it. Now I look at alcohol. I have it in my apartment for guests, I, it was part of my job. I chose the entire alcohol list for a property in Manhattan and never tried a single drop. And it just, it's no longer, it's no longer something that I wake up every morning thinking that I have to make decisions about anymore. It's no longer an obsession. And I'm so grateful that's my truth. And I'm also very aware that's not everyone else's right. There are some people that are sober that have years of sobriety. That wake up every morning and it is a constant battle. And my heart goes out to those individuals and I'm grateful that AA exists to help them through it. But like I said, there's not a monopoly. Everyone's different. So for me, I was having this similar conversation with a good friend of mine
[00:53:00] MCCord: in DC actually, and it was about two months before my one year anniversary of sobriety, and I was expressing my frustration with the anonymity aspect of Alcoholics Anonymous and how I felt like ashamed of myself and just to be clear, there are plenty of Alcoholics Anonymous members that are very vocal. So this was my own interpretation of that at the time, but I was also frustrated with the notion of living in recovery. And I looked at her and I said, I'm not living in recovery. I'm recovered and I'm living. And it was a moment that just, I got chills on my arm. And she was like, she literally pushed her seat back and goes, whoa. And it was just something that stuck with me. And I was like, there's something here. At the same time, I smoked cigarettes every single day. I mean, you remember, I used to smoke cigarettes. I used to be like a pack a day. And then I quit my cigarettes after one year of sobriety to the day. So I just had this conversation about not living in recovery, but being recovered and living. And then I started running. And I was running in Florida, actually at my, my grandfather's
[00:54:00] McCord: place in Key Largo. And I ran seven miles at the time, which was the longest I'd ever run. And I just had this idea, I'm going to, I'm going to run a marathon. And so I just, I combined the two and Living Recovered was born. So my first marathon was in Baltimore. Baltimore will always have a special place in my heart. I think it set the groundwork for who I'm going to become as a man. So did Pendry. All of those relationships, I thought it was important that I give back to the city that I was living in. So I partnered with a nonprofit there in Baltimore to just run one marathon, which was all it's going to be at the time, and ended up completing Baltimore in under four hours and I raised about I think it was about $3500 for this halfway house called a Penn North Recovery in Baltimore, great organization, and was proud of that work and then I realized I couldn't stop. So I applied for the New York marathon got into it. And now my goal is to do the big six. It's part of, this organization called Abbott
[00:55:00] McCord: World Majors. So the big six are Boston, New York, Chicago, Berlin, Tokyo, and London. So I just completed my fourth marathon in Boston, which was grueling, but I'm grateful to say at this point, I have raised over $28,000 for various nonprofits, and each city that I go to, I will pick an organization in the city to run for. With New York and Boston, I had to apply for these organizations. Chicago, I chose a different halfway house as well. So my next chapter is going to be Tokyo, London and Berlin. So I don't know when I'm going to run the next one, but I know I'm going to finish all six at some point and then, who knows what's next for it after that. To be honest with you, I don't know. I don't know what my plan is with Living Recovered and where I want it to go. But for now I'm just using it for my own personal growth and You know, step 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous is carrying the message to others, right? And I think just because I differ with this
[00:56:00] McCord: organization doesn't mean I can't still benefit and use it and I think that this is my own version of that now I get to go forward, talk about my you know problems with addiction and how I overcame them, because like I said earlier just because I'm no longer focused on alcohol doesn't mean I'm still not an addict and don't still have my struggles. You, so I think it's just an important thing to talk about. And now I get to combine two passions and I'm honestly just grateful for all of it. It's brought me into contact with a lot of different people, a lot of different organizations, and I'm grateful to have given back you know, I feel like I was a garbage human being for a very long time, and this is my own kind of way of making the world a little bit of a better place in my own way.
How Did Scripted Wit Come to Be?
[00:56:42] McCord: So that's living recovered and uh, Scripted Wit. Oh, man, my baby. So I always had a creative outlet since I was a kid, you know, film was my goal. Film studies was my minor in college and when film didn't work out, I was crushed, I remember I was
[00:57:00] McCord: interviewing for assistant director of Homeland and didn't get the job and I just for years afterwards, I had this voice in my head that said, what if? So let me back up. I've loved literature since I was a kid. Harry Potter was like, my life. I know, right? I'm a Ravenclaw, by the way.
[00:57:18] Aubrey: Hufflepuff
[00:57:19] McCord: Oh, I love Hufflepuff! So Harry Potter was a big part of my life and my mom used to make us memorize poems growing up. my grandmother, who is a big part of my life, her and actually her mother used to write down whatever they thought was worthy. If they came across something inspirational, they would write it down in their journals. And that's a practice that I started that I didn't even know that they did until a couple years ago. But so literature and words, have always been a part of my life. I think words are powerful and I love quotes. I love the way that they can pause and make you think, make you laugh, make you reflect. And when put together eloquently, it just, they have this profound impact on all of us, right? So,
[00:58:00] McCord: I started doing quote of the days at Pendry for the team. On the board I would write the quote of the day next to the gelato flavors after I would come and ask you what they were. And I remember actually, I mentioned it and line up one day I said a quote during, and I can't remember who this person was, but he was the valet manager and he looked at me and goes, that should be your thing. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, you should just like do a quote every day. That should be your thing. I was like, huh, yeah. I was already doing it like sporadically and I was like, okay, I'm going to quote of the day every day. So I started doing that at work every single day and then December 2nd, 2018, I took a photo of the whiteboard and put it on my story, and I have not stopped putting a quote on my story since that day. Over the course of that first year, I started writing them out actually, and then getting into the photographs, but it only lived on my story and it wasn't until one of my servers named, Megan Warfield actually took a screenshot of my story and then reshared it. And when she did that, I was like,
[00:59:00] McCord: I'm getting really into some of these photos. I should have a place for them to live. And that's where I started. I had this idea of developing an account for it. And I was on a run and I was trying to come up with a name for it and I remember I had looked at what names were available and grabbed the handle for quotes of the moment or something like that and I just wasn't in love with it
[00:59:18] Aubrey: Yeah
[00:59:19] McCord: I was trying to think of like different words for handwriting and then I was on a run and script popped into my head and wit, and I just put the two together and I just was like, ah, I love that it's clean and it's efficient. And I went home and I Googled both words and the first thing that popped up for script was handwritten characters. I was like done. And then wit, sometimes maybe has a different connotation, but at the end of the day, wit is keen intelligence and it's quick. So I loved the two. I put them together and Scripted Wit was not in use so I grabbed it for a Tik Tok. I grabbed it for Instagram, I have the website domain as well, and I'm trying to get it trademarked right now. It's a very intense process, but it's
[01:00:00] McCord: become my full fledged obsession and I love it. I it's actually my end goal to be honest with you I would love to do it full time. It's just you know, we have to work towards it and so i'm currently trying to grow my following and I spend all my free time doing it. So if I'm not working or working out or running or reading, I will be generally working on Scripted Wit. I'm actually now at the point now. It's been over five years that I'm re-relooking at the quotes that I've done in the past as well. And I fought reels for so hard. I originally was only pictures and that was my brand and I was also OCD when I first started and it had to I had to post the photo of that day. Like I had to take the photo and then I had to post it that day because that was like my own online journal. And then COVID happened and it opened everything up for Scripted Wit at least, not for the world actually shut everything down, but because I was shut down and furloughed I just changed my process for it and so I started instead of just writing and picking one quote of the day and photographing it and posting it, I started
[01:01:00] McCord: doing writing sessions where I would sit down and do research on quotes and then I would go and do photography sessions out. And Lily was also furloughed at the time, my friend I mentioned earlier, and so we would go and do these like Patterson Park excursions or like different areas in Baltimore and just it opened everything up. Like I said, so I just went to Norway and to Germany and I, I get to do research on the cultures and the cities that I go to and see who's from there and doing so I get to learn a little bit about the history. And it's just. It's my passion. It's my obsession. And I, at the end of the day, I spend so much time on it. And I often have a lot of doubts about it. Is it going to amount to anything? Is it worth it? But then at the end of the day, I realized, first of all, I get joy from it. It makes me happy. And it's also my own personal way of meditation. So I do a meditation every morning. And then when I get doubtful or anxious or, whatever it is, I'll just go to my desk where I'm sitting right now and I'll just start writing. And
[01:02:00] McCord: my grandmother, recently we were talking and she asked me, if reading these words had an impact on me, and I said, absolutely. And her response was, well, you're reading the wisdom of the ages and how can it not have an impact on you? And I loved that because it's true. I sit down and I read other people's inspiration and I pull my own from it. I've actually gotten to the point now where I adapt sometimes the quotes a little bit, if there's a he or a she I'll change it to a they to be more gender generic and a lot of the translations are translations, right? So they're open for interpretation and, um, I actually got this idea from Tolstoy. I'm reading The Calendar of Wisdom where he has collected all of his own favorite quotes from around the world My brother Thomas gave it to me and it's been a great book And in his foreword, he talks about how he sometimes changes the words to what he feels is important. I don't like changing the words too much, but sometimes I'll omit one or two, but I love it and my rule of thumb is I have
[01:03:00] McCord: to feel it. I have to feel what the author is trying to say and it has to have an impact on me. And then I get to take and create something with it to show others what I get from these words. So it's been incredible and I have a series called Sneaky Scripts where I'll hide them in places. I'll put them in people's purses on the subway or I'll leave them at the gym somewhere or put them in someone's locker. And the way that these quotes have come back to me in different ways has been. Amazing. Honestly, even yesterday I was waiting for the stoplight to change so I could walk across the street and there's a woman sitting next to me. I just handed her one and generally speaking, if you come in contact with me, you're going to leave a situation with a quote. So I was having a conversation with a woman and I gave her a quote by Emily Dickinson, which is "dwell in possibility", which is one of my favorites. And she pulls out her phone and her daughter had just texted her that she was cancer free. Which is one of the coolest things that's happened to me. I had another girl, I gave her a, "I want to see you be brave"
[01:04:00] McCord: quote by Sarah Bareilles. And she messaged me that she has been struggling with something for the last couple of years. And the quote gave her the motivation to do it. I don't know what it was, but at the end of the day, it gives me joy. And I know those people and a few more it has impacted. So I'm going to keep doing it. And if it doesn't turn into anything financially, and it's just a passion and a hobby that I do, then that's enough for me. And I'm okay with it.
[01:04:26] Aubrey: Not to say you're the bug, but back to the signs find you in the mysterious ways. And if you're really open to them, they find you. I'm a real energy driven person. I believe you get out what you put in. And so I just, think it speaks to your personality, and who you are, and that you stay very open. I also find it very touching you mentioning sitting with these people's words and like the connection that brings and the impact that brings, because selfishly, that's how I feel about this. I feel like at first it was so cheesy. I was like, oh,
[01:05:00] Aubrey: I have a podcast. How millennial of me, but now like when I'm editing an episode, and I'm literally watching someone's audio. I'm seeing how their vocals translate like physically into the computer. I get to see a whole new side of them that I wouldn't have gotten to see. And I consider it a great responsibility to treat that with respect in how it gets manipulated and put back out into the world. Honor the original intention of the person who shared it, but also with that polish of like, where am I at that moment? And why did that stick out to me? Or, why did I feel like someone else needed to hear what was said? And whether it be through quotes, podcast or whatever, I just, I think it's a beautiful way to connect more to myself and to connect with other people. And I feel like that's what you're describing is that gift
[01:06:00] Aubrey: of connection I, I also worry and wonder, is this just gonna cost me a lot of money and be a very expensive hobby for the rest of my life? But, with the hard work and passion that you put into all the projects that you do, I truly have no doubt that Scripted Wit will be your future, personally. I would be willing to put money on it, and I am not a gambler.
[01:06:22] McCord: Yeah, it's honestly, it's a joy and I'm grateful that I found it. I talked earlier about,I had that voice in my head that said, what if? After the film thing didn't work out. And it was just something that was like constant, And I'm sure you probably had this too, before you started the podcast. what am I doing?
[01:06:34] Aubrey: So much of that so much
[01:06:35] McCord: Right? And it's just a lot of doubt and it's you found something right you found something that's important and that you want to pursue and I did the same. And it's, as soon as I started Scripted Wit, that voice has been silenced, or not necessarily silenced but now it's, I think, being used I gave it a platform to be heard. And so for me, at the end of the day, like I said earlier, and I'm sure same with your
[01:07:00] McCord: podcast, like if this doesn't amount to something financially, and it's just a hobby for both of us, great, right? That's amazing. And it's something that we're passionate about. And at some point in our journey, one of our messages is going to be heard. And I had that actually happen recently when I was at the gym and I had a guy come up to me who I did not know and he was shaking actually. And I, he pawed and I'm about to start crying because, said that he follows me on Instagram for a while and that he just celebrated one year of sobriety and that I was an inspiration to him and I don't want to take full credit but that moment was huge for me because in each of my letters for Living Recovered after I get a donor my sign off for all the letters is, if even one life is altered for the better, then we have succeeded. And it's, I always say we because it's, first of all, you're donating to this and you're helping the cause. And I think it's a partnership. And so having
[01:08:00] McCord: one person come to me that I know of for a fact and tell me that they have changed their life because of the message that I put out was everything, right? Like he actually apologized for saying something and I was like, please do not. Like if you have something to say, say it. You have no idea how much of an impact that your words can have to somebody and it was just a huge moment for me to know that one person's life was has benefited from the amount of work that I've done over the past five years. And that's enough for me to keep going. So same to you with your podcast.
[01:08:42] Aubrey: You know, humans are very obsessed with purpose. that's a whole nother thing we could hash into for sure. But the main thing I'll say on it for this that resonates for me is that when you share what helps you heal, like that's purpose.
[01:08:53] McCord: Yeah, I agree
[01:08:54] Aubrey: that's what helps other people hear something or try something or gives them permission
[01:09:00] Aubrey: or whatever it is. The only purpose that matters is healing and sharing that healing And typically that's through words. storytelling, quotes, books, whatever it is. So the all of it. So I feel like everything we touched on worked so perfectly together and came so full circle in the end. Thank you so much for so much time.
[01:09:21] McCord: So glad to have been on.
[01:09:22] Aubrey: Oh my god, you like were on the list from like two and a half years ago.
[01:09:25] McCord: I remember. I was like, let me know when you're up and running. Let's do it.
[01:09:31] Aubrey: Yeah. So just, this is so full circle and so special to me.
[01:09:42] McCord: Proud of you for getting here too. It's taken, I know it took a lot of work, so keep going.
[01:09:37] Aubrey: Truly thank you. And do you want to give anyone your Like socials?
[01:09:42] McCord: Yeah, absolutely. My socials are McCordHenry and ScriptedWit, and you can find me on Instagram for both of those. And then ScriptedWit is on TikTok as well.
[01:09:52] Aubrey: Excellent
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[01:09:53] Aubrey: Pardon one more quick selfless plug. Anyone who knows me knows I love books,
[01:10:00] Aubrey: so we are affiliate partners of bookshop.org, an organization dedicated to keeping local bookstores alive and thriving, because those big corporations, they just don't need any more of our money. So head to the show notes where we've linked our bookshelf and bonus, we'd love if you sent us suggestions to add. You can do so by DMing us on Instagram @goldenapproachpod, or join our email subscriptions on our website, goldenapproachpodcast.com. Okay, let's dive back in.
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Rapid Fire Q&A
[01:10:31] Aubrey: The very final thing to touch on. We have a little rapid fire each episode has the same questions, but we only pull three. So that way it's always a different like combo for everyone. What is a favorite moment with people you love?
[01:10:44] McCord: Favorite moment with people I love. I just went to Hawaii recently with my family and it was so great just being with all of them in a beautiful setting. We got to experience all these different activities and it was actually really cool for me
[01:11:00] McCord: because I was able to facilitate this because it was something that we would never be able to afford. And I got to be kind of the person that brought everyone together for it. And there was one moment where we all had dinner on our last night and I had, gotten presents from everybody on different trips and journeys that I had been on from montage and from everything. And we got to sit around and have a mini Christmas. Just being together and getting to be fun Uncle Cordy is something that I will never forget.
[01:11:24] Aubrey: I love that. Now you're a very open book, so I don't know what you'll answer for this question, but what is something others usually don't know about you?
[01:11:33] McCord: Others don't know about me. Gosh, I don't know that. I played the violin for 10 years. That's something that most people didn't don't know about me. Yeah. I have it behind me.
[01:11:42] Aubrey: You still play?
[01:11:44] McCord: I actually picked it up during COVID and struggled to play through it. and my g string broke which you know, there's a joke in there somewhere, but I had I put it down because I was like, we have enough hobbies I used to be really good I could I was first chair but violin is not like a
[01:12:00] McCord: bicycle. If you do not use it you in fact lose it and I have lost it it's actually up on my shelf right now, collecting dust. And I think it will stay there. I think I'm pretty vocal about everything else too much. I'm single, which I also don't think that's something that people know about, but I talk about online as well.
[01:12:14] Aubrey: You're going to find your person.
[01:12:17] McCord: I'm hopeful it does happen. I've also come to terms with the fact that it may not and I like who I am by myself and that's okay. That's enough for me. When it comes to dating, and that's a whole nother podcast as well, but when it comes to dating I have to be emphatic about that person enhancing my life and growing together because I am an addict and my fear is that I will be so focused on this person that I will stop growing. So if I can find someone to help me better myself and continue this journey that I'm on then absolutely, but thus far I've not found that person yet. So, we'll see. I'm an optimistic person, but I'm also aware that it may not happen and I'm okay with that either way.
[01:12:55] Aubrey: Yeah, and I think that I honestly think it's a very healthy approach and a good
[01:13:00] Aubrey: baseline. And, I think people get annoyed when I say this, but I don't know, it's just my experience and so take it for whatever it's worth, but I truly believe and have witnessed that when people finally stop looking and it's back to the energy thing, when people stop putting that like energy out for some reason, and they just do that internal work and they just live. It's like the energy shifts and for some reason that's when the right person is able to find you in my humble opinion.
[01:13:28] McCord: I hope so.
[01:13:29] Aubrey: All right last one, what is a random fact, you know?
[01:13:34] McCord: The tongue of a blue whale weighs as much as a full grown elephant.
[01:13:37] Aubrey: Okay, that's wild. And I can't help myself since you are also into Taylor Swift. What era are you?
[01:13:45] McCord: So honestly, I love the Tortured Poets department. I really do love that album. It's my favorite album since 1989 and the Black Dog is one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs of all time. It's up there with Clean.
[01:13:59] Aubrey: Yes,
[01:14:00] McCord: If I have to go back to my favorite Taylor Swift era, I think Speak Now, honestly, is the one that always comes to mind first. Actually, I just saw her and I love Taylor Swift for multiple reasons, but the way she describes heartache and her pain around it is honestly the closest thing I have heard from an artist. At least that I identify with. And how she, she describes it as like an addiction, right? I think that's one of the reasons I love her so much and her music, because there's a few lines that she's said, her song, Black Dogs, she has a line called old habits die screaming. And I think about my old habit of drinking and how it died and it died screaming. And it just, it hits me. And I think that's one of the reasons I keep going back to her I identify it with so well.
[01:14:45] Aubrey: I, I agree. Thank you so much I adore you.
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[01:14:50] Aubrey: Thank you for listening to the golden approach podcast, which wouldn't be possible without the support of associate producer and content manager, Emmalyn with audio technology and
[01:15:00] Aubrey: support provided by barn swallow audio company. If you've liked this episode or any episode prior, be sure to follow so you never miss a new release. We greatly appreciate if you helped others find the show also by leaving a review wherever you're currently listening or directly sharing with friends and family. You can find resources, merch, and more in the show notes and website, GoldenApproachPodcast.com. And if you're looking for more content, join our Ko-fi community and follow on Insta @GoldenApproachPod. Until next time, let your hopeful romantic side shine always. Buh bye!
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