The Call of Our Soul with Elyse Preston
EP 204: Elyse Preston
Coach, Consultant, Community Builder
Elyse Preston, founder of Be More Connected, shares insights on creating genuine connections, aligning soul and intentions, and the intersection of spirituality and authenticity in the workplace. During this conversation, Elyse and Aubrey discuss overcoming burnout and the importance of self-care in service-based professions, as well as encourage you, the listener, to prioritize your well-being for a positive impact in your community.
EPISODE OUTLINE
[00:02:31] Getting to Know Elyse Preston
[00:10:49] Spirituality and Politics
[00:21:14] Following the Call of Our Soul
[00:28:08] The Magic of Connection
[00:34:32] Simultaneous Truths
[00:45:18] Rapid Fire Q&A
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TRANSCRIPT
[00:00:00] Aubrey: It's finally ko-fi time, guys. I am so excited for us to finally have a place to gather and connect. And I know I'm showing my age, but we're basically bringing Tumblr back, we have put a lot of work and heart into creating articles and photo collections, short stories, and more, that all build off the intention of the show; to use story sharing as a way to create curiosity and kindness, because when we know better, we do better. So head to the show notes, the link in bio on Instagram, or the website to join now, because you can only join until October 14th. This is also the lowest price we'll ever offer to subscribe and joining now will actually lock in that price forever. So please head to the show notes and I will see you in ko-fi very soon.
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[00:00:45] Aubrey: Hi, Sunshine, and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Aubrey, a hopeful romantic who's always loved getting to know others and learning what I don't know. Here I chat with kindhearted humans and insightful professionals sharing their stories to learn from each
[00:01:00] Aubrey: other's experiences in hope of going beyond the golden rule and collectively building a more kind and curious world for all, this is the Golden Approach. I'm so grateful you're here.
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[00:01:14] Aubrey: I'm joined today by Elyse Preston. She's a coach, consultant, and community builder who founded Be More Connected. I met her last year at a winter wellness event that was being co-hosted by some dear friends, and soon to also be guests on the show, Aubrey and Molly of Dandelion Hair Salon and Apothecary. So be sure to come back later in the month to hear that conversation as well. But at the event, Elyse was doing human design readings, which basically can be described as like a star chart and Myers-Briggs coming together and honestly, I'm a huge fan. If you're interested in hearing more about human design, you can let us know on like Instagram or Ko-fi. From the moment I met Elyse, I knew I was going to ask her to be on the
[00:02:00] Aubrey: show, and I'm just so damn grateful she said yes. We discussed not only her business and the work she does to help other leaders and changemakers, but more importantly, we just connected as two humans trying to figure out how to bridge the call of our souls and the pressures of society. I was personally really touched by this conversation. It went in a completely different direction than I expected. So I'm excited for you to hear it. And without further ado, let's get to the good stuff.
Getting to Know Elyse Preston
[00:02:31] Aubrey: Hi, Elyse. Thank you so much for being on the Golden Approach. How are you today?
[00:02:37] Elyse: I'm doing great. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for the invite.
[00:02:39] Aubrey: Oh, I'm very grateful for this, it means a lot. So we always let people start to introduce themselves. So if you could just give us like your name and a quick spiel about who you are and what you do.
[00:02:51] Elyse: Yes. my name is Elyse Preston. I am the founder of Be More Connected and I am a coach, a consultant, and a community builder
[00:03:00] Elyse: who is based in Baltimore, Maryland, and my work really centers around supporting people with remembering, reconnecting with their soul's essence and their creative gifts and really having the tools and supports to be able to offer them to the world, share them with the world in ways that feel more joyful and sustainable for them.
[00:03:22] Aubrey: Thank you so much for that. And honestly, It's really exciting to see the work that you do because I had never really crossed paths with anyone in that vicinity. Um, I would love to hear more background about your story, I know you were in the nonprofit sector. There was some burnout there, which is a familiar theme over the last few years, but also how you translated that energy. I'm so curious to hear that journey
[00:03:45] Elyse: Absolutely, so I grew up in Baltimore County. but I went to college in DC. I went to American University. And actually when I was an undergrad, I had more of a vision of myself,
[00:04:00] Elyse: working in potentially towards politics. More towards like policy and government, but once I actually got to college and started studying those things, I realized that was really not where my heart was. And I was not excited about that content. It didn't light me up. I also felt kind of um, repelled, I guess that's a strong word, but by the energy of some of the, professors and classmates and just the whole vibe of a lot of what was going on in D.C. just did not resonate with me on a, just, energetic level. And so it, it really got me curious to figure out, what I actually am excited about studying and exploring and learning and diving deeper into and what kinds of questions fascinated me, what kinds of people I really enjoyed spending time with and being around. And that led me in the direction of, transitioning out of policy and, more
[00:05:00] Elyse: into, community and, social advocacy. And so that's what led me more down the nonprofit lane. And so after undergrad, that's when I came back to Baltimore and the first job that I had was serving as the program manager of a community center. And so on the one hand, that was an experience that I really feel like I learned so much from, and I enjoyed because I was able to connect with youth and families and plan and organize different kinds of like events and experiences and things that were education-based. There's a lot of things about it that were aligned for me. And that felt, Like a direction that I was excited to be, growing in. but I also, felt very frustrated and, challenged by the dynamics of, the organization that I
[00:06:00] Elyse: worked for. So there was a nonprofit organization that was essentially the overhead or like the management of the community center where I worked. And I just saw so many different layers of, just incongruence and hypocrisy happening. And it felt very tricky because I sometimes was asking myself the question, like, is what we're doing actually related to what the community is asking for? Like, are the ways that decisions are being made actually a reflection of, what would be of highest service here? Or is it just to fulfill this specific person's ego, or is it just to fulfill this like specific grant that does not feel relevant to what is needed here. So I then started asking myself those questions.
[00:06:54] Aubrey: I do want to dig in for just a second to this journey that you're
[00:07:00] Aubrey: talking about, because I think that this is something that is really true for our generation, and younger generations, to be making such long-term career decisions based on feeling that sometimes previous generations They don't quite resonate or register why that'd be of such importance and no disrespect to nonprofits, so much, gratitude for the work that they put in and everyone who works in them. I have a lot of friends who work in nonprofit. It's a hard job. However, anything that has grown to a certain size and systemized and politicized ends up in a very similar trap as any corporation would. Whether it's nonprofit or it's for-profit, in my humble opinion. So, it's just interesting to hear these kinds of nuggets in your story, and I was curious if that resonated with you, if there was anything else you want to speak to on that theme.
[00:07:55] Elyse: I think that what you're sharing about some of these generational
[00:08:00] Elyse: differences, is also something that I feel like I've witnessed as well and, yeah, just even within the different organizations that I worked, over, it was just about five years that I was working in the nonprofit sector. There, there was a pretty big disparity between what younger folks in the organization were interested in prioritizing and pushing forward and what some of the more like senior, more experienced folks were prioritizing and seeing as important and pushing forward. And I think that it is intended to be that way, right? Like the younger generation is supposed to help to push us in new directions, but I feel like we're feeling that in an even more intense way now just because it feels like the pace and the intensity of, the way that the entire world is changing.
[00:08:55] Aubrey: Absolutely.
[00:08:56] Elyse: It was a bit more heightened, especially in the last four years.
[00:09:00] Elyse: So I do feel like it's creating a bit more like tension in the workplace. And also that piece about when an organization becomes large enough, at a certain scale, we unfortunately see similar types of, yeah just like power structures and dynamics that are reflected. Even when that's not necessarily the intention upon which the organization was created. So I think it requires, it does require so much consistent, realignment of like intentions and values and, just integrity for any type of group, or company, or organization to not like fully take on the kinds of, like the toxic value of white supremacy and capitalism and
[00:10:00] Elyse: the ways in which we might think that it would feel more aligned or more supportive to work in a nonprofit organization than it would be. Maybe it at a large corporation, but oftentimes the values and the experience that employees have, you see a lot of similarities. You see a lot of similar themes.
[00:10:21] Aubrey: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, society, we have to keep rooting deeper into what makes us more similar. And I think the intentions and the feelings and energy is how we can better connect with each other into, are we on the same page? Do we want the same things? I don't think it's that black and white, but it's just interesting to speak to someone who is so well educated on policy who is also so in touch with energy.
Spirituality and Politics
[00:10:49] Elyse: This is actually something that I've been really, excited about finding more of the way to unite the political and the spiritual.
[00:11:00] Elyse: And I think it's so important. I think that's like what's needed now, and it's something that I've oftentimes felt very hesitant about because I feel like my friends who live more in the spiritual space don't often want to talk about the political and my friends that are more in the political space often think that the spiritual is irrelevant and doesn't matter. And I like, don't think it's my responsibility necessarily to try to completely reshape, you know, someone's worldview, but I'm myself wanting to become more, solid and like confident and comfortable to embody my truth and move in all of those different spaces in a way where I feel like I can fully express myself without filtering some of those qualities out or like self-censoring, which, is something that I feel so much more capable of doing now than four
[00:12:00] Elyse: years ago, when I started going deeper, into this work, but it is something that is definitely a growing edge for me and something that still feels challenging.
[00:12:11] Aubrey: I resonate with this wholeheartedly I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this through my own personal journey, just because of I grew up in three cultures, being Lutheran, Jewish and Lakota. And so there's always been this weird, like confusion for me on how to blend those in my own right. All of that to say that when I am thinking about business, I do think a lot about that, because especially as a small business owner, so much of who I am influences the business that I am building. And I think the same is true on any level. The top of the chain influences the tone that is set farther and farther down. So I think it's an interesting time for us as humans, and as business owners to decide, how do we proceed? Do we proceed the way we've always proceeded as these two separate things, or can we actually start developing a way
[00:13:00] Aubrey: where the blend is appropriate? Because humans are spiritual. And even if I am not the kind of spiritual that goes to church every week, that does not mean that it is not something that I reflect on in my life. And so for those who are even more spiritual than I am to come into a workplace and for us to find common ground, to be able to actually accomplish the goals that we have set, we must be on the same intention. So really, it's the root of the intention, and the integrity, I think, is the root of the conversation. Spirituality is just another symptom of the conversation to be had on how does it play into those things. So anyway, I took us really at a very distinct direction
[00:13:36] Elyse: I could talk about this all day. Well, that's also so beautiful. I didn't know about those intersecting identities, that are a part of who you are. I also, carry some of those intersecting identities. And, my, my mom, her ancestry is, German, Polish, and Jewish. And my dad's ancestry is African
[00:14:00] Elyse: American, and I haven't done like a 23 and me kind of situation to figure out where my African ancestors are from, I would love to in the future. That's like something really top of mind for me to connect more deeply in that way, but I also think and believe from that spiritual perspective that our souls chose to come through with these particular ancestral influences and lineages because part of our purpose, part of what we're here to be able to uniquely bring forward and illuminate is more of the blend. The intersectionality. How do we weave things that maybe in the past had appeared,to be separate? How do we actually embody, through existing, that these things can come together? and I do think that there are a lot of really like brilliant, incredible people working at the intersection of the
[00:15:00] Elyse: spiritual and the political. I'm just thinking about some of my, my faves from like Adrienne Maree Brown to Lama Rod Owens to Reverend angel Kyoto Williams. There's so many people who are blazing a trail, and writing books, and creating communities, and shining a light on ways to do this. And it feels exciting because I think that there are even more and more people who are, on Earth at this time who, that's also a part of our calling. And the more that we really cultivate the current, cause it takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of courage. It takes a lot of vulnerability. It takes a lot of devotion to say that you are wanting to, show up and express and connect and create in ways that are countercultural in ways that aren't, yet, super commonplace or mainstream.
[00:16:00] Aubrey: Well, and I think this is why they call it the American experiment. Because, yes, there's a lot of things we can hash into on the foundation of the country. That's a whole nother conversation. But if we're speaking presently it is an interesting time to be alive of seeing it really continue this. Um, how do I want to word this? I just feel like I've been witnessing every year as I get older, America having to decide who it really wants to be and how it really wants to proceed. And again, whether it's on the individual level is whole as a community, whatever size, I just think the concepts are the same.
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[00:16:35] Aubrey: Maybe you've noticed, there's no commercials on this show, and that's because currently, we don't have sponsors. And while maybe, I don't know, someday that's going to happen, for now, this show is totally funded by yours truly, and thankfully, the incredible support of you, the listener. So, if you like the show and want to make sure it continues to exist and grow, we would super appreciate your support. Just
[00:17:00] Aubrey: go check out our merch link in the show notes. And, in case you didn't know, every person we interview gets to choose a cause of choice. We then create a custom episode merch piece and donate five dollars for every piece sold, and I would say that's a real win-win. So head to the show notes and check out all this season's custom merch. Thank you so much, we couldn't do this without you.
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[00:17:23] Aubrey: I think this is a good way to bridge over because it speaks to all the themes of what you're doing. It speaks to, I think you're motivating factors to why you proceeded down the path you did. So, continue to tell us, like, how did you start to hone in all these things that were resonating for you then? So you could actually get to a point where this can be how you channel your energy into yourself and your community. Like, how did you start finding your footing with making that a job?
[00:17:48] Elyse: Yeah, I would really say that, there were so many little moments, and conversations, and experiences that
[00:18:00] Elyse: were so affirming and so important to me. When I was first starting to pivot and, like, wanting to change directions, and that's a piece of guidance that I really love to share with folks who, are interested in making a big shift or a change or a pivot. And sometimes because it is very scary, as we were talking about, like it requires the courage and the vulnerability, it can ignite a lot of our fears and anxieties. We can spend our time, like really trapped in the mind, trying to like search for the right answer, or just trying to figure things out in a very linear and logical way and like, make it make sense. And I think that that oftentimes, really gets in the way of us being able to be more open and receptive to the way that we're meant to be, like, led
[00:19:00] Elyse: and guided, and the way that our, like our intuition and our bodies and our souls are communicating with us and supporting us. So I would say that for me there were just so many little nudges where my body was telling me that it was not correct for me to stay where I was and that was, and you touched on this a little bit before, but just like the burnout, the exhaustion, the frustration, the jadedness, like I know myself to be a very like positive and optimistic person. And once I started to notice, my personality was changing, I was literally becoming a jaded and apathetic person who was just pissed off at people all the time. That's when I was like, okay, something needs to shift here. Something needs to change. and that was 1 of the big motivating factors that encouraged me to, enroll in yoga teacher training and that experience for me, it was a 10 month, 200 hour yoga teacher training really opened up a lot for me
[00:20:00] Elyse: because that provided me with the ability to be like supported and poured into by different teachers and mentors. I learned, different ways to regulate my nervous system. I connected with movement and breath and learning about yogic spirituality felt like a remembering to me. It just felt like things that felt so true. And that was really, I feel like, a big catalyst for then giving me the permission to explore a lot of other aspects of spirituality in terms of astrology and human design and metaphysics and chakras and energy work and all of these things. I was like, oh, okay. I now know what it feels like to explore content and information that does light me up, and that does excite me, and then I could geek out and study all day versus that feeling that I had an undergrad when I was like, trying to take these political science classes and genuinely
[00:21:00] Elyse: could not care less.
[00:21:01] Aubrey: Just like thinking through all the times, I have felt these feelings that you're describing, obviously for completely different reasons at probably completely different times, but you're taking me back to all those times that I was like having those moments myself.
Following the Call of Our Soul
[00:21:14] Elyse: Oh, I love that because I think there, there are, so many aspects of following our intuition, following the call of our soul that are universal. There are things that are part of the human experience, but we have not been taught, or encouraged, or conditioned to listen to. And so we're always focusing our attention and like orienting our priorities towards these outside world expectations and these like vanity metrics versus having any support or guidance towards really trusting ourselves and how we feel. And so I think that's
[00:22:00] Elyse: really, the biggest part of, how I've been able to make some of these shifts and make some of these transitions is having the supportive tools of spirituality and really connecting in with and trusting the new information that I was learning about myself and allowing the amount of space that took up in my life, like turning up the volume on the intuition, soul, and what felt true to me and turning down the volume on, for me, a lot of my blocks and wounds and limitations are around like people pleasing and codependency and perfectionism. And we all have different blocks, different wounds, different. things that create the illusion that takes us further away from ourselves, but when we get to know what that is, then we can dig into the healing work
[00:23:00] Elyse: that allows us to discern between what is true and what is false.
[00:23:07] Aubrey: Oh man, I feel this I feel like you're speaking to my soul, not to sound cheesy, but just dead truth. Cause I do, I think about these things like all the time. So it's always really nice when I'm like, oh, other people are thinking about this. Um, and all these things that can be answered more or less by actually looking like more inwards and understanding how does my own brain work? How does my body work? How do they interconnect with each other? Okay. Once I understand those, then I can start making smarter choices when you meet other people based on like, where's the overlap? Where are the differences? Do I like those overlaps? Do I like those differences? So anyway, it's intriguing to hear about you go on that journey because I think lots of people, they know that there's some disconnect. They know that they want more, or they want different, or however it may be described, but like they don't know how to listen to the voice or they're '
[00:24:00] Aubrey: not even aware it's there. So I just encourage people to also figure out what does that mean to you?
[00:24:05] Elyse: I think that's such a great question. And it's really the thing that I get the most excited about exploring with people. Because, as you said, it can become challenging if we've spent so much time suppressing or repressing that soul voice or intuition to actually find the ways to access it and to be able to separate out, what are the thoughts that are influenced by fear and anxiety or harmful programming and what are the thoughts that we actually want to work with and that feel like they're supportive of the direction that we want to grow in. And these are, yeah, these are all just really nuanced and very personal things to
[00:25:00] Elyse: each of us, but I think it is really great that it's becoming a little bit more part of the mainstream conversation to talk about these things and to explore them with one another, because also the way that we are able to more powerfully know and understand ourselves, and heal, is through connection and relationship. We need to be seen and witnessed and have things mirrored back to us by others, by trusted loved ones. That's like essential to how we grow and how we evolve. and so I think in addition to building that depth of connection, understanding with yourself, it's also so life-giving and affirming and important to build relationships with other people where you feel safe enough to be seen
[00:26:00] Elyse: and to share, what's coming up for you? Genuinely, like what's going on with you?
[00:26:05] Aubrey: And unfortunately, not everyone has access to that in their personal life built in. So, it is nice to know that there are people like you doing varieties of work to help people who don't have instant access to those things find that connection, find guidance, and help develop skill. So how do you find the people that you work with? How do you help them translate these disconnects that maybe they're feeling between their intention and the integrity that they want to have in the work that they do versus what they've been able to accomplish on their own?
[00:26:38] Elyse: Ooh, yeah, so I would say the ways that I connect with the people that I work with one on one, is either through my like email newsletter, or social media, through personal referrals and word of mouth, or through, like in-person events
[00:27:00] Elyse: or experiences. And I do feel like with 1 on 1 work there's more ease there. Like there's a little bit more of that organic connection of finding people. Um, for group programs, I feel like it is sometimes a little bit more of a heavy lift the launch and the outreach. Because a lot of the group programs that I lead are deep. We're working together for four or six months and like making that commitment is a big deal for people if you've never done that before. But I really do believe that it requires time for us to build trust to be able to open ourselves to be more vulnerable and really have the most, empowering an impactful experience
[00:27:43] Aubrey: That all makes perfect sense, actually. To be able to open yourself to one person would make sense to me, to be easier than to find a group that is willing to all open up to each other, open up to themselves simultaneously, and then to also do that for a long period of time.
[00:28:00] Aubrey: However, that's really where it's going to start really making impact and direct change so it's exciting to hear.
The Magic of Connection
[00:28:08] Elyse: And it does feel, it just feels so magical. What becomes possible when a group of people who have shared values, and interests, and dreams, and desires, can come together in a genuine way and unconditionally support one another? It's amazing. It's one of the things that just makes me so grateful to be able to do this work because the shifts that can happen for people are really profound. Because a lot of times we're like in our own brain telling ourselves these stories and we've built up these inner that are just not true. And so it can literally be
[00:29:00] Elyse: so healing to just have someone else share an experience and be able to witness that, like, whoa, I'm not the only person having this experience. Someone else is demonstrating to me that I'm not alone, or someone else is able to relate with what's going on for me, and they did this two years ago, so they can easily offer me some piece of guidance or insight that will be exactly what I need to hear right now. I really do think that we are here to be each other's guides and teachers and way showers. And the culture is set up in such a way that we think that we're supposed to be comparing, and competing, and measuring up against, and that's just so counter to the whole point of why we're all here at the same time together. Like it could be so much more amazing to be a
[00:30:00] Elyse: human on the planet if we could shift some of these like really deeply entrenched cultural values and understandings.
[00:30:08] Aubrey: I love this, little magical pocket that you're describing. But again, in a slightly more spiritual way and call it what you will call it spirituality, call it magic, call it community building no offense, doesn't matter, in a way. It's just about the heart and the head coming together in a balanced way. And that there are things bigger than ourselves. So I like this little magic pocket that you're talking about of the people who are able to lead a little bit when they're the few steps ahead, but we forget the other way around too, that the people who are two steps behind being able to teach, being able to reflect on your choices before you've gone too far down a path, you know, and you're still experimenting with what that looks like. There's some real excitement in that back-and-forth relationship.
[00:31:00] Elyse: Oh, I totally agree because even the, and I know I said it this way too, even that concept of someone being forward, someone being backward is an illusion because we're all walking our own path and we can offer some guidance and support to someone to help them navigate their unique path in a more easeful way. From different lenses, so as you were saying, every single one of us is wise, has amazing intelligence, has things to offer. And so it's, it is so important for all of us to know that and to be able to speak to and value and express what we have learned from our life and our experiences and who we are. That's different than what someone else has. And it can be extremely valuable to them, even if, it's a
[00:32:00] Elyse: 21-year-old offering guidance to a 45-year-old. Like they're, they still have some fractal of their lived experience that is unique to them that could be really illuminating or like really healing for someone who you might think oh, there's so much older and more experienced and ahead of this 21-year-old like it doesn't matter.
[00:32:22] Aubrey: Yeah, absolutely. The metaphor I've gotten stuck on recently to what you're describing is everyone talks about like living on a spectrum, right? We'll talk about a spectrum for maybe something with neurodivergence or a spectrum of classism or whatever. Everything's a spectrum. But for me, I feel like people focus on one spectrum and like I'm on so many different spectrums of things. So when I connect it's wait, which one of these are we on? And then, where are you, is that connective moment with a person. So like, people who are older, they're not as ahead on, technology in the way that, yeah, a 21-year-old who's been raised with it since they came out is
[00:33:00] Aubrey: going to be. Like, that is just a fact. Even though you're very advanced on maybe every other spectrum, sorry, this one you are not. And you're just gonna have to recognize your place on that, feel no shame for it, and be open to what people can offer So yeah, opening ourselves up to it being okay that we can be in different places for different things all at the same time and This is pot kettle here because to be clear, I would not have been saying it this kindly, even two years ago, to myself.
[00:33:29] Elyse: I mean, recovering perfectionist over here. And I do, I think that's also a reflection of the culture that there is. It's not a lot of, welcome energy for nuance and complexity and multidimensionality. Like everything has to be black and white. There's good and bad. There's right and wrong. There's better and worse. And it's because we've been so conditioned and ingrained with those
[00:34:00] Elyse: ways of thinking it's, it actually does require a lot of, like unlearning and a lot of self awareness to be able to embrace your own multidimensionality and to be able to welcome that and accept that from others too.
[00:34:19] Aubrey: Yeah. A hundred percent agree with you. So I'm curious, does this translate to like the type of conversations and work that you're actually doing with your clients or give us an example, if you don't mind, of like how do you like tangibly go about this work?
Simultaneous Truths
[00:34:32] Elyse: Definitely. I feel like the whole conversation that we've been having on today's podcast does feel, really connected to the kinds of conversations that I have with my clients, because a lot of times my clients are also folks who are really interested in figuring out how to unite the spiritual and the political and figuring out how to show up in the world with their
[00:35:00] Elyse: intuition, with their creativity, with their sensitivity, and remain true to themselves, even in the world as it is. Even in these contexts right now that don't really recognize, or value, or celebrate things like intuition, sensitivity, and creativity. And it can span so many different topics and so many different dimensions, but a lot of the themes that we talk about, I feel like were really present in the conversation today, which is really cool. These are a lot of the big questions that we're often grappling with and exploring. And, yeah, just the work of being able to show up in the world in a more soul aligned way, in a more soul centered way. And also being able to prioritize our own wellbeing. A lot of the folks that I
[00:36:00] Elyse: work with have the experience of, and this was my experience too, really feeling like service and self sacrifice have to go hand in hand. That in order to be of service, it is your responsibility to overgive, to pour out all of your attention, and energy, and resources to seeing the kind of change that you want to see in the world. And, maybe this can be the piece of, reflection and something that might feel supportive for folks to be able to tap into is if you are also someone who feels like that's part of your story or an inner narrative that you hold, I'd love to introduce a reframe, which is saying that if you are someone who is passionate about community care, about seeing
[00:37:00] Elyse: a more beautiful and just and equitable world in your lifetime, it is not kind or compassionate to do that at the expense of yourself. And when you're thinking about the people that are in your community, you are one of those people. And so if you are not allowing yourself to rest, not appropriately feeding yourself, pushing yourself past your boundaries, deprioritizing your own needs and desires and like overvaluing and over-prioritizing the needs and desires of other people. Those are all forms of harm and you wouldn't treat anyone else that way. So why does it feel okay to treat yourself in those ways? And so I think it can be helpful to just start to investigate
[00:38:00] Elyse: any of the places where you might feel like you are not listening to your body and your body's cues. Not listening to your own boundaries, or feel like maybe you're allowing things that are not honoring of your time, and attention, and energy. And where do you notice that you are feeling a sense of extraction or depletion? And once there's some awareness around those things, it can be a gentle process of just starting to introduce things that actually support your nourishment. So what would it look like to be able to spend more time doing the things that feel fulfilling versus depleting? Where could you honor yourself by
[00:39:00] Elyse: communicating something that needs to be communicated or setting a boundary that it would be helpful to set? And where can you drop in and give yourself more intentional time to listen to the cues and the nudges that you're receiving from your own body? I think that those can often be, things that we like dismiss or push away because we have so much going on in our world, in our lives. We have so many different forms of distraction, and it's not our fault that the world is currently organized in this way, but it is still our responsibility to take the best care that we can of ourselves and the other people around us.
[00:39:48] Aubrey: I love how much, two truths can be true simultaneously, that I keep hearing, as a theme throughout what you're describing, I think these are great things for
[00:40:00] Aubrey: people to reflect on. And I just say this because, previously in the conversation, we had said, you have to make sacrifice for the benefit of your community. And that is true. But you do also have to know your own limits so that way you can show up to be the best version of yourself for each tier for yourself, for your nuclear family, for your nuclear community, for your big picture community, and therefore out, hopefully into an international community, since that's the world we live in. So I think it's so important to continuously remind people that like it is okay for two truths to be true at the same time. And I love these reflective questions. I hope people genuinely like we'll take the time to do that because I think the things that you discover when you start asking those questions. You know, I've tried to be open about the journey I'm on and it's not about people replicating it. It is just about the questions I started asking myself and the standards I
[00:41:00] Aubrey: started requiring of myself, but also the way I wanted to be treated that I hadn't maintained, or thought I deserved, or whatever it was prior to a few years ago. I want people to start reflecting on those questions and those standards for themselves.
[00:41:16] Elyse: Oh, I love the reflection that you just shared as well. That's so powerful.
[00:41:21] Aubrey: Thank you. And I, I always feel weird cause I'm like, the show's not about me and whatnot, but I do think people need permission giving. Like you were saying, I, it really stood out to me what you said, the seen, and witnessed, and mirrored, and I've never heard anyone say all three is like a pairing. And I think there's real value in those three being put together as a full process.
[00:41:45] Elyse: And I'm sure that there's even more there. those are the three that really stand out to me the most that in a group context, it's, it is so healing, to be able to receive those particular layers of
[00:42:00] Elyse: support. Like, okay, I am seen. Someone is holding space for me. I am here. It's one dimension of that. Witness to me, also just adds a little bit of a depth there from just someone like holding the space and visibly, seeing me as witnessed almost feels like this person is, taking in my story and that there's a little bit more of a level of listening there, and the mirrored happens in conversation and in dialogue where someone can say so what I'm hearing you say is, and they can actually mirror back what they're hearing and how they interpret it and how it landed for them. and all three of those things are so nourishing and so supportive. But I do think what's really cool also about being in the group space is you get to see each person's
[00:43:00] Elyse: individual magic and individual medicine, because the way that I like to uniquely care for people is very different than how maybe you might uniquely care for someone, or the next person in the circle might uniquely listen and pick up something and be able to mirror it back in a powerful way. and so I also think that is just so special. Like when we come together, we get to experience ourselves in so much more of a richer way because we're able to then receive the different aspects and elements of what we're bringing out. We're able to have that like interplay and have it shared back with us from a variety of different perspectives.
[00:43:51] Aubrey: Yeah, I, I want to help promote these group settings, to be completely honest with you, because what I'm hearing from this
[00:44:00] Aubrey: is the power of back to when we were talking about all these different spectrums, right? No one person can truly support you in every way or meet you in every way. So to be able to be in those groups and to find people for different reasons, but to know that you're all on the same page and whatnot, I think is such a benefit. So if people were nervous before, hopefully they'll listen to this. They'll find some comfort and some confidence to go forward because I think that's the human spirit. Is the bringing the small pieces together into the whole and seeing where that helps guide us all. Honestly, I just feel I feel very seen. I feel very witnessed and I feel very mirrored in this moment.
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[00:44:41] Aubrey: Pardon one more quick selfless plug. Anyone who knows me knows I love books. So we are affiliate partners of bookshop.org, an organization dedicated to keeping local bookstores alive and thriving, because those big corporations, they just don't need any more of our money. So [00:45:00] head to the show notes where we've linked our bookshelf and bonus, we'd love if you sent us suggestions to add, you can do so by DMing us on Instagram @goldenapproachpod, or join our email subscriptions on our website, goldenapproachpodcast.com. Okay, let's dive back in.
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Rapid Fire Q&A
[00:45:18] Aubrey: So my final thing, other than just a huge thank you for doing this and being so open and vulnerable, which just means the world to me for every person who comes on here and just shows their true self and shares it with the listeners, because I know it makes a difference, is, a little rapid fire. So on the show, we always pick from the same questions, but we're just going to do three real quick, if you don't mind.
[00:45:39] Elyse: Yeah, of course.
[00:45:41] Aubrey: Okay. Cool. So my first one is, I think a fun one. I love when this one pops up is what is, or what do you wish it would be your superpower?
[00:45:51] Elyse: So I would say that my superpower as it is, I would describe it as
[00:46:00] Elyse: being, like a really clear seer. Well, I guess this is two things. Being an empowering nurturer, like someone who can really like nurture and care for other people, but also call you out when you need to be called out. We're not playing around here.
[00:46:16] Aubrey: That's a very important part B.
[00:46:19] Elyse: Yes.
[00:46:20] Aubrey: Honestly, I think you are definitely that. The 2nd is what is something you just like, love to eat or love to cook?
[00:46:28] Elyse: Mmmmm. Wow, I really like food. So it's hard for me to pick just a favorite food or like a favorite thing. I will say that I, so I live in Highland Town in Baltimore and one of my favorite places is Francesca's Empanadas. And like can't get enough of this sweet plantain and cheese empanada. So I'm just going to say that. That's like my go to food that I've just been really enjoying this summer.
[00:46:57] Aubrey: I love that. I love that. And also such a
[00:47:00] Aubrey: great recommendation for anyone who's in the area. It's such a cute little place there's other little shops there, so highly recommend. okay. And the third one is what brings you joy?
[00:47:10] Elyse: Wow. I mean, connecting with nature, that's something that brings me a lot of joy. Being able to spend time in nature completely solo by myself and also being able to spend time in nature with friends and with loved ones is just my favorite thing. Whether that's doing something that's more stationary, like, you know, a picnic or just chilling in the park, or if it's something more active, like going for a hike and really being able to take in the beauty of nature. Yeah, that's just one of my favorite things.
[00:47:42] Aubrey: I love that. and I'm actually close to being your neighbor. I love in Patterson park. And I live there for a reason. I need like that much green space to be close to me and accessible at all times.
[00:47:54] Elyse: Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I'm in Patterson Park like every day. So we should go for a walk together soon.
[00:47:58] Aubrey: Oh, my gosh. Game on. If
[00:48:00] Aubrey: you ever see me, feel free to just run up and say hi. Just like truly again, a thank you because it just never feels like enough. So thank you so much for your time and sharing yourself in this way. And yeah, just such a pleasure.
[00:48:13] Elyse: Oh my gosh, you're so welcome. This was such a fun conversation and yeah, I'm so excited to share this interview with others.
[00:48:20] Aubrey:Yeah, me too.
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[00:48:23] Aubrey: Thank you for listening to the Golden Approach Podcast, which wouldn't be possible without the support of associate producer and content manager, Emmalyn with audio technology and support provided by barn swallow audio company. If you've liked this episode, or any episode prior, be sure to follow so you never miss a new release. We’d greatly appreciate if you helped others find the show also by leaving a review wherever you're currently listening, or directly sharing with friends and family. You can find resources, merch, and more in the show notes and website, GoldenApproachPodcast.com, and if you're looking for more content, join our Ko-fi community and follow on
[00:49:00] Aubrey: Insta @GoldenApproachPod. Until next time, let your hopeful romantic side shine always. Buh bye!
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